The Unsecret Diaries of Emma Bishop

I am sooo pleased to announce that my interview with the brilliant US based spanking zone chat host Richard Windsor is now online in his website. It was a fantastic experience to speak to Richard and he is such a warm and wonderful person that our online chat continued for at least an hour afterwards. Richard offered to send me the questions in advance and prime me slightly but hey, you know me, I just wanted to do it as ‘unsecret’ as ever!. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!!

One of my fantasies is to do a period drama, in a workhouse or a women’s institutional prison maybe. I came across a very interesting site this weekend  Bridewell Palace, which a historian described as a place where “’all strumpets, nightwalkers, and idle women, that are taken up for their ill lives are forced to beat hemp in public view, with due correction of whipping, according to their offense, for such a time as the president and court shall see cause; the court being generally every Friday afternoon”. Call me the thinking man’s ’strumpet’ if you will, but where is this place? How may I get thrown into it? “Yes, I admit it. I really did steal those oranges Sir and use them to boost my feminine charms for my dandy man whilst on the corner of Wimpole Street plying my trade” (cos’ boob jobs weren’t around in those days lol - and no, I haven’t ever had one in ‘real life’!)

I had a session today and particularly loved getting into my blue corset again. I have two things I love to wear; my navy blue convent school gymslip and this item, and I wore both today. I feel secure and totally warm and right in both and think it’s because of past life associations. I know I have worn corsets before, maybe as a ’strumpet’ in Edwardian/Tudor days even, and my gymslip most probably in the 1930’s or 40’s. I have a strange feeling of deja vu when I wear them and the spanking thing is secondary, there is no fetish or kink attached when I wear them. It’s like a warm very familiar glove wrapped around me and I have a glow of safety. When I take them off I feel dull again and like something is missing or has been taken away from me..strange but true. In fact the school scene we did ended in me having to take off and leave my gymslip in the ‘Headmaster’s’ office, and be sent out into the corridor to face my classmates who would laugh at me. It was so real because as you may have gathered by now I always place myself totally in role, so much so that it is hard to come down. The ‘Headmaster’ found me standing in the corridor crying real tears afterwards but a nice hug from him, my good friend, reminded me it was ‘role play’ after all. It never seems like a role sometimes, that is my constant dilemma.

I am off now to prepare for my interview tonight with US-based host Richard Windsor, who I am sure will get me to open up on my deepest spanking desires. Am I telling jack, or spilling Jilly beans on his parade? You will just have to stay tuned to his site to hear how unsecret I really am

I am pleased to congratulate my friend Will who has just had his book of poetry published.

He has posted some lovely comments on my blogs over the past year and more and I was touched that he has included me in his list of acknowlegements in his book “The Wind shall hear my Words” which you can find in (http://www.publishamerica.com/).

The only thing I ever did was to applaud his work and to say that I really do get what he is trying to say. Every now and again you see an art form that is on a different emotional plane, and all I did was to say how genuinely moved I was by his work. I am now truly humbled that my name is mentioned amongst his family and inspirations, but proud as punch that someone I remotely know from across these cyber shores is a real star. I will take strength and hope from his success now that I am ready to make something of myself too. I will be ordering my copy of his book tomorrow and can’t wait to read it.

Thanks Will for sharing your limelight with me and giving me a glow today

I have been so busy lately so once again another sorry to my lovely friends for not keeping in touch. I need to dash off again now to get some shut-eye so here’s my ten to the dozen tirade of thoughts and happenings. I will flesh them out more the next time a cane actually touches my flesh …I’m far to busy for that too lately and lots has gone unchecked I’m sure but, w-ad-ever!

Night of the Cane: Sorry I couldn’t make it, I fell over and hurt my arm and was a bit shaken up. I also had a horrid cold and am gutted I missed out on some huggles from friends who I miss a lot, and meeting some more of you all - Acting: I have been given a place on a professional acting course from January so it will be tough and looks like X-Factor boot camp type discipline, which I need as you all know. I hope by the end of next year I will still have a dream and be a lot further turning it into reality - MSN Messenger display picture: I will no longer show pictures of my bottom to strangers in that elusive window. Thanks to Jerome for telling me honestly that I should clean up my online act. From now on only my nearest and dearest and of course, my real fans out there and professional friends, will get anywhere near my bottom without a very good reason…like, you are a Doctor who wants to see if I really do sit on that many hot radiators or am just scared of thin dangly instruments!- The House of Richard Windsor: I am due to give a live chat podcast interview this weekend in The Spanking Zone well, I am in da house of the old Houndawg. I am not sure what he will be asking me but look forward to pistols at dawn my time. - Praise be to Starbucks: handing out lovely small coffee topped with cream samples this morning outside the shop in town, lush - Foyle’s War: For the record, Michael Kitchen does it for me, don’t know why, must be his manner and voice, but I have my ration book ready! - Spanking (mmm, if I must talk about it): I do plan on making some more “The Trouble with” movies soon but arranging venues, co-stars and scripts etc has been on the back burner lately. If anyone wants to appear with me in movies though and can help with all manner of setting it up so that I just have to wheel my ass in, then please let me know. I know I am hoping to get into serious acting roles more now, but if you have a challenging character role or script, or are perhaps an established spanking site and want to work with me in case I hang up my school uniform prematurely, then please call my one of my people (sadly just me, but it sounds good doesn’t it?!

There is a ‘volume vs ‘economic efficiency’ question I always have. Some spankers think the way to get through to me is to go for volume (i.e continuous barrage to one place with multiple implements) whilst others go for the whole mental build up with dialogue and very sharp deep stinging effect. Both can achieve the same effect so it depends what the object of the exercise is I guess?
After a spanking the other day I noticed my bottom was becoming dry which hadn’t happened to me for ages. I don’t ever want be left with a rhino hide from too much play so out came my Vaseline Intensive Care and Arnica cream mix. Now after a few days I’m fine again but it made me realise just how easy it is to go too long without checking out my prized asset for wear and tear. My skin is still thankfully baby soft all over but in order for my bottom to match I have decided to limit my activity so that it stays that way. Of course in situations that arise in my real life where I behave badly I won’t usually have a say in avoiding spankings, but outside of that I will be more careful with my timings. I do heal pretty quick most times but still have a few cane marks from a few weeks ago but I like those, they are reminders, they taught me a lesson and I remembered it, at least at the time because it really did hurt. I am not one to repeat things deliberately but do have a habit and tendency to forget over time and get myself punished again for the same things. I often wonder if the idea of corporal punishment is to be a short sharp shock so as to associate that pain with the offence and not do it again, or to accept that there will always be things to improve on that it will take a lifetime to ever learn to be a good girl?

On a seperate note, I was waiting for the bus today and once again came across a “why do they/we do this” type thing again. You know, those things that we all do or see going on let go without questioning them. I think this is either for fear of feeling unusual, being seen as a troublemaker, or, because we just don’t have the time to stop and say how stupid they really are. It got me thinking about having a rant in here about a couple of my pet hate people “Grrrr” gripes. I’d love to know if anyone else out there agrees and if so, can explain why you haven’t had the guts to say anything before now or start a campaign in the tabloids to stop them lol! Things like:

Standing at a bus shelter - Why do the first people in the queue always choose to sit half way down in the shelter rather than going to the beginning where the bus stops? Because of this the shelter is usually only half full up and I have seen some crazy people standing outside in the rain, just to carry on with our so very British insitution of queuing! I’m sorry, but I get myself into the shelter and a demand a seat if they are empty even if it means I have to overtake that stupid first person in the queue and go to the front! They usually looks at me daggers and in a passive-aggressive style (which I learnt about on a people motivational course once) mutter something under their breath along the lines of “Huh, some people” but they still don’t move up in the shelter to let others get out of the rain at the back of the queue. What annoys me most is that others in the queue always side with the ‘leader’ of the queue and make me out to be the bad girl brat who has pushed in!

Three seats on a train - Where there are three seats in a row on a train, why do people only fill up seats 1 and 3 and leave the middle seat free, to either put their bag on or because they don’t like sitting next to a fellow human being who they ‘don’t know’ in case the’ve got the lergy?! I see this most days and realised early on that I had two options. I could stand up like some crazy timid girl who is too scared to say anything, or I could rightfully go over to MY paid for empty seat of my choice and sit down. They always seem to make way or move their bag once I walk purposely towards them and get in their face (space) though but if not, yes, you’ve guessed it, I will remove their bag and hand it to them! I haven’t been told off yet by anyone but if anyone ever does I’m ready with some cheek!

Hey…two posts in a day from me for a rare change. This is because I just received an email from Spankedhortic who kindly tagged me so I am continuing this chain type communication and doing my bit for Memeism now because I’m out all week now. I saw the video explaining what a meme is in Spankedhortic’s site but it was like “whoosh”, way above my head and I really don’t get it. It covers genes, chinese whispers, religion and other examples far too complicated for a failed-at-school science pupil to ever comprendez-vous (sorry Leia, but I really am rubbish at Chemistry and all things scientific despite appearing a goody goody in our recent shoot lol!).
My contribution is to list the Rules, which are:

* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

My 7 facts you don’t know about me are:

1. As the Junior I once threw up in the waste paper bin in a major business meeting in Tokyo in front of the President and senior executives of a multi-million pound company we were negotiating with as a team. Having shared 17 bottles of Saki with colleagues the night before and downed it like coffee I should not have been surprised that I had to spend the rest of the day lying down in the medical centre, missing out on the tour of the premises. Bad girl I know but never caned for it at the time. I knew for sure I would never make a ladette that day though cos the blokes were as right as rain and they were drinking pints on top too!

2.I can write on a board (or wall) in a straight line whilst facing the other way and speaking to someone about an entirely different subject. I didn’t know I was doing it until it was pointed out to me during a graffiti day once. Weird multi tasking at its best I guess or else I have two brains!

3. I have 37 pairs of shoes but have only worn most of them once

4. My favourite smelly is Miss Dior Cherie

5. I always keep a clean pair of knickers in my handbag. In fact my handbag has every eventuality covered

6. I once stuffed the leftover bones from a KFC meal in a red postbox (and never got spanked for that either). Sorry guys if it was your post covered in the secret recipe and some of my DNA!

7. I hate spiders but don’t like to kill them. I’m brave enough to get a glass and a piece of paper and usher them out of the window from a great height hoping they land as well as cats can (not that I would throw a kitty kat out, or ever remember doing it!)

Who I am tagging

Pixie

Leia Ann Woods

Paulo

Audrey and Abi

Dave at Cherry Red

Richard Windsor

Bonnie

I hope I have memed correctly?

Now scroll down to read my other latest post. It is still very current

I’m back!! Well, I didn’t really go anywhere but just had a mini timeout for a few days to reflect on a few things and give myself a good talking to. Having this dammed dry cough flu type bug doesn’t help, and nobody should be looking for the meaning of life in this state, certainly not her blonde un-royal scattiness! I have had a few issues with adjusting to balancing my spanking persona with my vanilla life. I have realised that my characters are too much like the real me, when I really should be more practical and removed from them in normal (vanilla) life. It has taken my training to be a real actress to realise that when I thought I was ‘acting’ in spanking videos, most times I wasn’t. When I am being punished I am really punishing myself for my true-life behaviour and misgivings. Role play too often turns into ‘real’ for me and I actually need to be thrashed sometimes but it also works best for me that way. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing because it goes right to the core of my emotions and all I am, but I hope in learning to go in and out of roles I will be able to lock ‘Bishy’ up at night and only bring her out when she is bad. Or maybe I should just accept we are one and the same just as Marlon Brando’s method acting sadly turned him into the Godfather for real. Perhaps I need to accept that ‘Bishop’ will grow up with me into a fine upstanding lady one day or will be spanked regularly into behaving better! I know that acting and trying to be grown up because it is expected of me is taking so much energy and life out of me that I am exhausted. I am getting there but just need some more time and it will happen when it does naturally, that’s all.

This year has flown an when I come to write my end of term (year) report at christmas I will be pleased with lots of things in my development, not least getting myself back on track as a spanking model. Next Saturday (8th) is ‘Night of the Cane’ in London which is the scene event of the year. I am going along to say hello to a few friends and acquaintances and watch the fun so please feel free to chat to me. I was really pleased with some of the emails I have had recently that have cheered me up and to find out that I actually have some ”fans’ out there!! OMG, I have never seen it that way or ever sought to be so far up my own proverbial to remember this is just a minority interest. If being told you are a ‘fan of my work’ means you are a fan of my bottom I will accept that on one condition - that I can be a fan of yours for something insignificant too! Everybody has something to offer and I am a huge fan of people in all different ways for the little things they do in life. I am more flattered to be thought of as a nice girl with a bit of a brain too sometimes though

I did a role play session the other day and hopelessly got the time wrong (by two hours) which earned me an additional spanking. My co-star turned up when I had just got up and come out of the shower with my hair dripping wet! After the quickest change ever I was pressed and ready for action and although I thrive on adrenalin and pressure one day I will get it wrong and it won’t only be my bottom that suffers! I think my guilt at my lack of organisation made for a better scene. It was nice to receive an email afterwards with some kind comments and some pictures to post on my blog:

“It was most exciting to have met you today and I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed our time together - largely as a result of your acting skills which were really convincing. I really have not had the opportunity to play like this before - it was great. You not only have a most spankable bottom (and I thoroughly enjoyed having spanking it and seeing you wriggle and squirm over my knee) but you are most spankable as a person/woman and that was really appreciated”

Being called spankable as a person and not only a woman is nice too, because I know some people don’t see beyond just a bottom sometimes so I take it that way, thanks.

By way of apology to my friends for having a bad day in my last post and being a bit of a moody sullen brat lately here are some pictures from my latest modeling shoot two weeks ago? ‘Star’ or Prima Donna? Will the real Emma Bishop please stand up? I am juggling so many balls in the air lately one of them just has to come down and either fly over the wrong fence or knock me into a beautiful submission

On the train back from London after a great weekend a few hours ago I made a few notes about what I’d write about in my next blog. I was as usual looking to stay on the spanking theme which after all is supposedly what I am all about and why most people read my blog I guess. I have been told by friends never to write or publish anything that is unrational or not thought out and proof read many times. Whilst I admit I actually care about what people think of me I care more about never diluting what I really feel, in favour of trying to maintain my supposed reputation as a ’spanking model’. Sometimes I just want to eat straight from the can.

I had my music player on shuffle and a song came on that I hadn’t played for ages, but today it made me upset like I hadn’t been for ages. It was “Dance with my Father” by the brilliant but sadly now departed, Luther Vandross. I was privileged to share a very special memory of him when I saw him perform live in London. I had a friend who was a roadie at the venue and I managed to blag some free tickets off him. When I arrived to collect the tickets on the door I expected to be sitting somewhere at the back in Row Z. To my amazement they were front row tickets in the VIP area sitting with Luther’s family and friends. That day was something I had forgotten about but hearing his music today brought it all back.

The point of all this? This weekend reminded me of some of the things that really matter in life again. Yesterday I was privileged to be invited to a private belated wedding celebration party by a fantastic lady who I had down as an scene acquaintance as we had only met once last year. I expected to see some of the other girls and personalities I knew in the scene there. When I realised that was not the case but a more private party and I didn’t really know anyone I felt a bit awkward because I didn’t felt as dressed for the occasion as they all seemed (a black tie and gown type event). I was glad that at least I had a strappy top and half decent calf length pencil skirt and heels on though. Feeling rather out of place, because I was on my own when a female friend couldn’t make it after all and I didn’t have time to arrange anything else, I was made to feel so very welcome and was introduced to their friends by her and hers. I was blessed to hear them share their beautiful vows to each other and a poem with such touching and meaningful words that brought a tear and a memory back. They are going away soon to distant shores and I am proud to call them friends now because they reminded me of something special that matters more than anything else. I hope we can keep in touch and I will never forget yesterday.

Dance with my Father - I spoke to my Mum this weekend about my Dad who died of cancer. I wanted to tell him things I never got to say then but I hope if I had he would still have loved me. Luther’s song on the train made me miss my Dad again today and I am glad I have at least been able to be happy and well again to do things for the charity in his memory. I wish I could Dance with my Father again, I miss Luther too, and all of my family and friends who I haven’t kept in touch with for as long ago as that concert. I make no apologies to my fellow passengers on the 17.20 for crying unshamedely in the back row, sometimes I’m not that strong and I never grieved properly but I think I can now.

I am having a break now from writing for a while now because I am so very tired and need time to get back in touch with reality and a normal life again because Emma ‘Bishop’ and ’spanking’ does not matter right now. I will leave with some lyrics from Luther’s “Buy me a Rose” and promise to come back happy, smiling and as unsecret as ever soon.

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

I did a modeling photo shoot yesterday with my lovely personal photographer and friend ‘Uncle Jim’. This close-up clearly shows the marks from my ‘charity’ caning last week. I don’t tend to examine my bottom too much once I can sit down again after a punishment so I didn’t think about looking to check the situation. I usually try and space my modeling work and personal discipline a reasonable distance apart so that I can heal properly but you know me, scatty and forgetful as usual!

We did two shoots (’Glass Half Full’ and ‘Schools Out) but literally an hour beforehand I was ready to drop , so exhausted after a full-on week and needing a rare rest in the middle of the afternoon. See this picture that he took when I drifted off. Don’t ever say I am too vain or proud to share my worst pictures with you ala “Heat” Magazine’s “Week in Pictures” pages!.

I had been showing him one of my favourite books from my Marilyn Monroe (my absolute lifelong muse and idol) memorabilia. It was the book “The Last Sitting” by Bert Stern which is her famous final photographic session before she died. I commented about some of the poses and that she looked how I felt, tired and not at her best. Then as the session progressed she relaxed and livened up and the photos became better. I don’t think I have looked my best lately on camera and I guess I wanted to see if I could still perform on the stage I love best.

After this moment of inspiration I decided to go against the grain myself and trotted off to get myself refreshed and ready for the camera, with Marilyn still in my mind.Once I put some loud music on (it had to be Britney’s “Blackout” CD), got myself some wine and saw the lights it was like I really missed it. Whilst I love spanking action shoots and am enjoying proper acting too now I also still love standard modeling. This picture is from my ‘Glass Half Full’ shoot and I will add some more every now and again in this blog. I know will never be able to meet Marilyn but I know she is always with me and has been a part of everything I have ever done. It’s spooky , I have had this feeling of being spiritually possessed by her since I was a child. Right now I am inspired again, my glass is actually half full and I am ready for next week Oh, and a big hug and kiss to my dear Uncle Jim for giving me back my belief yesterday.

I finally met up with the ‘winner’ of the charity auction I agreed to do for the British Spanking site to raise money for Cancer Research. He was the first to bid £50 so won the choice of weapons and decided I should be caned. The original agreement was 12 strokes (2 x 6), but as I had given him incorrect details along the way he suggested we make it a bakers dozen (which is 13, even though I thought it meant 20 …. which I probably deserved as you will read).

The gentleman in question (’Ranger59′) wanted it to be an experience for me too and had asked me a few questions prior to our meeting about how I wanted to do this. At the time I did not know what he had meant by “experience” and secretly thought “Oh, so it will be a bit of light spanking fun then?”. Of course it was for charity so he could have quite simply walked in, got me into position, carried out the alloted task and left, but as he is a  gentleman he considered my feelings on the matter.  As this seemed more like just another day at the office type engagement to me and I was prepared to do it ‘as standard’ and just get it over with. I agreed though that I would trust his judgment on the way it should be carried out because he had said I would learn something myself from it, although at the time I had no idea of how or what that might be.

After we had chatted for some time, I left the room and re-entered shortly afterwards to face my fate. He praised me on the auction but looked serious and started to become more stern. As he continued he told me I was very fortunate that the winners were both respectable individuals with some experience and consideration for me, and that although my intentions were good it was reckless and it could have all gone horribly wrong. He said that there were loopholes in my plan that could easily have been exploited, I had put myself in danger but had just been very lucky. He felt that if that had been the case a lot of my friends would have been very upset about this and he felt it right that I should be punished properly so that I would think twice about it next time. He said that in this respect he was acting ‘loco parentis’ on behalf of all those who care about me to make sure I learned from this. I stood facing him with my head bowed, knowing that every single word he had said was true. In my haste to organise the auction and help my friend who was collecting for Leukemia I was very naive and never once considered any of this. As he spelled it out for me I realised I had been a very immature but very lucky young lady. I didn’t know why I was listening to a complete stranger lecture me like the naughty girl I am, but I knew he was right. Although even at this stage I could have been putting myself in danger again with him my judgment told me that he had my best interests at heart and i needed to go through with it.

He chose two canes and they were placed on the table and my punishment stool was positioned in the middle of the room.  Before this though he felt that although I had made a mistake I did not deserve a cold caning so would give me a warm up spanking across his knee which I could stop when I felt I was warmed up enough. It was pretty mild and I stopped it when I thought his hand might start to hurt (lol!)

I am not going to discuss the details of my punishment (yes punishment, not play) because it was personal between us on the day and a rather special learning experience for me. Suffice to say that it was slow, measured and very thorough and I cried throughout. I agree I deserved to be caned for this and there was only one way to do it, for real to make me think twice next time, or at least get some opinions before I plan the details.

Here are some pictures taken with a mobile phone so please forgive the quality. Also just to add that the bruise on my right cheek was already there and caused from a previous encounter, not as a result of my caning from him. The Auction is over, my debt has been paid and I had a genuine sore bottom the next day.

A big thank you again to ‘Ranger59′ for making a significant contribution to the charity, and for being a perfect gentleman in carrying this out with such care and attention. What started as fun ended up with my having a sore and welted bottom, but it could have been much worse so I am very grateful.

I am so happy today, because I managed to do in one night what I have taken weeks to think about starting. As my routine changed a while ago I haven’t been able to fit in my workouts and running that I did in 2007 for the Bums on the Run charity event. Although I walk two and half miles every day I like to tone up more and have been so fed up not having the time in my schedule. I have felt fat, tired (my friends have commented I look drained) and am not relaxing enough or drinking enough water. Starting acting classes helps a bit because we are on our feet moving highly animated and fast for three hours but I was thinking of getting up at 5am just to get in my fitness workout. But hurray for good old fashioned methods like stress, “Emma moments” and simple bad girl behaviour:

Yesterday was manic. I planned on a simple day chilling but my Romanian friend from college called and asked if I wanted to go out in the evening. She’s an Au Pair and new to the UK and we live near each other so we’ve got together a few times. I invited her for dinner (my simple spaghetti bolognese) but forgot I had no pasta sauce or veg and had already been to the shops once on foot in the morning grrrr!!. So, it was another mile and half or so dash again just for a stupid jar of that posh Lloyd Grossman pasta sauce thingy with all the chunky vegetables!. I had forgotten a gentleman friend was poppin round last night as he was going on holiday and wanted to say goodbye (with a few spanks on my bottom too no doubt). I apologised and said that my female friend was coming but he could still come round, as long as he didn’t mention the “S” word” as she may freak and is probably not the type. Thankfully everything went OK, including my cooking. I almost burnt a hole in the frying pan when I started the meal as I turned on the hob but didn’t add any oil and forgot about it completely as I was talking to D (Romanian girl). I saw some smoke coming out of the kitchen and managed to save it just in time or we wouldn’t have eaten at all! Anyway, after than my male friend dropped us in town and we went out for what I thought was a quick drink. We ended up having a great time and going clubbing until 2am and danced for at least three hours and rarely left the middle of the floor. I love Neyo and the DJ played a lot of his stuff so I was in my element! On to the good news (for me)..I weighed myself this morning and have lost 3lbs, in one night so only another two pounds and a bit of tone up to go! I also drank lots of water this weekend so today I think I look tons better than I have done lately. So, I will be dancing a lot more now, but of course Sir, in moderation and not on a ’school night’again, of course. Mr Kennedy at Northern Spanking also reminded me of that too when I was late home last time

Hello my lovelies, just a quickie as I have a sore bottom this morning and if I don’t get myself sorted out and ready for work I will have another one on top of the one Mr Kennedy and Co. at Northern Spanking gave me yesterday. It was an absolute thrill to work with such brilliant professionals and Paul and Lucy have kindly agreed to send me some promotional pictures to show you soon, and in due course you can see who won, the tops or my bottom! The picture was taken 6 hours after a day’s filming and i won’t be sitting down too well today so I guess that answers the question lol … or does it? I had my moments of fun too though while they lasted as you will see, but late nights, cat fights and attitude never pay (so I was reminded) and now I have squirm my way through today on a hard seat in the office today

However, after a few weeks of doing other things in vanillaland, it’s great to be back to what I love doing best, being a spanking model and I plan on doing much more soon.

Stay tuned over the next few weeks/months and sign up with Northern Spanking to see my introduction and beyond. I joined myself last month to get a feel for how they work and believe me what you see is as real as it gets but it was so much fun with lots of comedy moments too!. Hope you like the picture? Don’t ever say I don’t get you as close and ‘unsecret’ as possible to my trials as a naughty girl and a spanking model just as it happened (..mmm “It wasn’t quite like that Sir and Miss”)….sorry, owww!!

My life is so crazy again and I’m sorry once again I haven’t had time to blog, but I haven’t forgotten you
I have been totally engrossed in my acting studies at college and practical drama with friends lately that it has taken over my life. I’m like a little girl who has just discovered chocolate and doesn’t mind looking stupid smothering her face in it. I know I’ll get used to the taste after the novelty has worn off but I hope I will always want to unwrap the different brands and try something new. Speaking of which, now that I have had the Stanislavsky and Meisner acting techniques explained to me I can relate to all I am learning in class. I know I need to work on aggression more than emotion and there are lots of things to iron out, not least coming out of my safe comfort zone more. Maybe this acting thing will help me open up a bit and be more adventurous but right now I feel incredibly vulnerable. Being a spanking model in an accepting arena is one thing, baring my soul in vanillaland even if it’s in a small workshop group right now is something else but the drug is the same. It’s an adrenalin high and such a buzz that I want more and more. I am told by my friends that I need to get some balance though, because with me things are either “fantastic” or “rubbish” there is no ordinary or “I did OK”. I tend to beat myself up if I am not as good as I want to be at everything straight away. Last Monday in acting class I felt I did really well and it was all “fantastic” and I came home with a massive high. This weekend though I didn’t do well at using aggression in a role play we did, and although I did better later reading an emotional monologue I came away with a down on myself and said I was “rubbish”. Maybe I just need to work on it, after all I have only had two lessons so far and I am planning a year or so to give it a real go. Now that I know my weaknesses I will work harder than ever so watch out for me getting mean! Right, I won’t bore you with acting for a while lol, it may be my passion but I know yours is still spanking (it is still mine too, so don’t worry).

Speaking of which, the pictures in this post are of a recent dabble I had in bondage with my good friend ‘Fluter’. I am not sure where I will ever go with the more BDSM ingredients but this was fun to try for a change if only for the photos! I think I will have to in be a pretty solid and committed relationship to do much of this stuff for real as it scares me but it’s a laugh testing it all out. To me real BDSM is rather like going out before an audience and being under the microscope even more. I am used to being on stage but that was different because I could hide behind the lead singer who everyone was looking at to make a mistake lol!. Having to remember my own lines and having every movement and emotion interpreted is like BDSM, very open, and it takes someone and something so solid to be in tune with those feelings I think. What if they get it wrong and i get hurt? Maybe I just need to like myself more first, but it is coming now.

I had an interesting article handed to me today from yesterday’s “Saturday Sport” entitled “S&M is good for our health”. Apparently a survey in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that from the 20,000 people interviewed those who indulge in bondage role play felt “more relaxed at the end of a stressful day”. The deduction from that is they (we) live longer!

Finally my latest “Emma Moments” (blonde gaffs) over dinner this week were:

1. “Isn’t that rather like playing Russian Roulette with a unloaded gun?”

Reply: (after much laughter) “Errr, I don’t think anyone would have tried that, because it wouldn’t be Russian Roulette…you silly girl!”

2. “Jehovah’s Witnessses? Arent they the ones who are not allowed to fight in wars in case they bleed over other people?”

Reply: (he was on the floor laughing so much but explained it was to do with transfusions or something?)

I have had some interesting observations this week and questions that I promised I would start to answer in my next update. There isn’t much I haven’t been asked by now and I’m always glad to have some different ones like:

6. Would you wash husband socks by your hands if he wanted it?

lol! Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh but I have been asked if I would perform all sorts of acts by some with an interest in D/s relationships. Washing a pair of socks for someone I would hope to love deeply and want to care for is in itself is no problem at all for me as I am a working class girl (made bad!), but I would hope he would buy me at least a washing machine in the real world. However, if is meant as some sort of d/s punishment then as I am not really a BDSM’er type at all but rather a DD/TIH/HoH lifestylist I would not understand how it is remotely related. Others have spoken to me about this on similar lines, saying that if a ’sub’ enjoys being spanked whenever she misbehaves then maybe that should be denied in favour of such things as; separating a kilo of rice and sugar (yes, someone did actually put this to me, and in my reply the second word was “Off”!) or, walking for two miles and writing down the number plates of all of the cars I see (”Off,”Off”!). Seriously though, I think things like written work which are actually of benefit in some way educationally, or having to read more are far more suitable punishments. By the way, i never “enjoy” real spankings at all.

I also had a fascinating email from someone who was concerned about me, which is nice.
He made some observations that I am keeping private but which I have also made of myself before. To have them re-affirmed did make me think, although I know from experience many people who give advice (and I am not meaning the writer) often have issues of their own that may be far greater than any they imagine me to have. That’s the thing about cyber, it is easy to comment on those of us to are out there confidently doing our thing more openly, but as I have said before there are far worse things that go on behind closed doors amongst mice and men. He did however comment on my spanking modeling work though:

“I believe you should pursue acting but not a spanking model or anything to do with nudity. You probably should visit a psychologist and be open and honest as you can with your feelings and why you feel the need to be spanked by estranged men. This does not mean you are crazy, it just gives you an unbiased opinion of you and your life path. I think you will much happier in your heart if you realize you don’t have to be a spanking model to be content with your life. You have overlooked at least one gift you have and that is writing. You have a very nice flair with your writing and you should write to yourself or if you like create a journal website or write a book about yourself or life. I am not writing you to discourage your dreams, I am writing you to encourage you to dream and realize that any woman can be a spanking model but only Emma can write the way she writes”

More than one person has said I am pretty OK at writing but I have so little time and my menu of things I would like to do is something like: Be an actress (which i am studying for), play my guitar and keyboards more and finish the songs I started in January and record them, do more fashion modeling (thats down to my agency but I have been so lazy not keeping in touch or updating my portfolio), and keeping in touch with friends and family more (I have made a start there). I am reading acting monologues, books and never watch TV so making a start on a book is going to have to wait for a while, but I have actually considered it and want to do it one day. For now though I have no immediate plans to quit being a spanking model and I am actually pretty happy with my slice of cake. The icing can wait until I find someone who sprinkles me with hundreds and thousands and wants to take me to a better place!

I just love Bananas and eat two or three a day. You don’t see many sick monkeys and they seem to swing up and down trees and live forever so what’s wrong with me test driving their antidotes?..well, not the swinging I’m far too much of a one man girl for that when I’m in a tree! I’m not sure if they’re fattening or not but am starting a crash diet on Monday anyway so maybe I will just have one large banana a day instead, without my usual lashings of whipped cream haha!

The Lehman brothers were in the news this week apparently? As I never read the papers or watch the news on TV, when asked what I thought about them the other day I replied “what records have they made”?! My dinner companion looked at me amazed and said “Surely you must have heard about them? If not you must be the only person in the world who hasn’t”! I then suggested they were footballers, as I remembered Arsenal (Soccer club) had a goalkeeper called Lehman, and that brought an even bigger laugh from my friend who had given up all hope of educating me in all things Bros Lehman. Eventually he explained it to me and I made no apologies for not knowing, as I have little interest in business and even less in money making moguls, or is that mongolians? We quickly switched the subject to spanking again and of course yours truly was able to have some input.

Speaking of which I spent a nice in London last weekend and in a state of experiment and eagerness to please I ended up having 100 (yes, ONE hundred) spanks on my bare bottom with a slipper. I was bending over a table and at first it felt like a spanking as the strokes weren’t that hard and were distributed evenly across my cheeks. Some were lower down on my thighs and as I was enjoying the experience I didn’t think to mention that I have rarely had much attention on my thighs before. The result was that I had a massive bruise and bad swelling which looked like I had been pummeled by a highly intoxicated irate masseur! When I saw my friend the next day he was very apologetic and of course I don’t blame him at all, because I know some girls love it given there. I don’t mind at all within a hand spanking (well I do because it bloody hurts!) but perhaps something as heavy as the slipper, and with that many strokes may have been too much for my novice thighs. A week later and the bruising is beginning to go, but I certainly won’t be trying this at home again in a hurry but that’s another T-Shirt I guess. I think I will be OK for my shoot with Northern Spanking next month but it was a wake up call to be more realistic about what I do in private fun play and what I do as a model.

I sooo can’t wait to start my acting lessons on Monday and as I want to immerse myself in this I have also signed up for another three hours a week on a Tuesday at another college, so I am now doing 6 hours a week. I spoke to my casting director/actor friend who went through the syllabus with me and he thinks it will be ideal. He asked me to promise him that I won’t take the easy option and play myself as a silly little girl because he said I can already do that really well without trying lol (charming!) so there is no point in paying just to do that in front of others. I agreed with him, so my challenge is to seek out parts that are so out of character and push myself to study them and what makes them tick. Maybe I will get to be a bitch or a high flying executive, or even an heiress with a passion for diamonds and secret agents..OMG, this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done and I know there will be more obstacles than on a final reductions day in La Senza but I can’t wait!

In continuing giving out the auction prizes to the charity donating winners I once again met up with Mr B (Beauchamp) from the British Spanking site. He had already claimed second price and a piece of my ass in my previous post, which was a spanking. Last night was his third prize, it was 12 strokes of the strap, which was substituted for a very capable leather belt. The debt was paid, the funds were secured and will be deposited to the charity shortly, and my bottom did what it said on the tin according to his kind compliments. Sadly no photos this time, as we decided to catch last orders at his local (three or four hours before they were calling “time” lol). I have today pronounced myself Babycham(p) from now on, or at least until I decide if I can cope with swimming in the big pool with the sharks and still be able to fish with the mermaids!

As you will know by now (I hope) the winners of my auction for charity (that is, my taking corporal punishment to my bottom to help a friend with her Leukemia Research Charity appeal), have been decided. The winner has chosen to cane me (12 strokes) and we will set up a date for this in due course. This afternoon I met with the gentleman who bought both 2nd and 3rd prizes in one go (i.e kindly donated £100) and I have had the first installment of my punishment from him. After a lovely lunch we headed back to get down to business so to speak, and he chose to spank me for his 2nd prize winnings. I had already set the guidelines and we discussed this and it was all conducted within Queensberry Rules and buyer-seller etiquette lol! The spanking was to be 2 x 5 minute sessions with 5 minutes corner time in between. I based this upon my experience in the scene and, having no idea whether he was an experienced Dom or a part time participant I was taking a risk here with my bottom not knowing how I would get through it.

I have had long spankings before, but I have also had 5 minutes of hell serious ones so it was a huge gamble but I was prepared to do this. Over lunch I joked that he had won me, so I felt rather like a slave on her way to meet her new master, and I guess I was really trying to soften him up in the hope he would tap me lightly on the bottom and tell me never to go into the auction ring again. Fact: we had never met before or ever communicated online before the auction, and he didn’t know me from Eve so there was no polite dialogue on ‘levels’ or ’safewords’. How wrong I was about it being a breeze in the park, he was/is a serious contender (as well as a lovely gentleman and scholar lol!) and made sure I was spanked properly regardless of the fact that it was in the name of charity, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. For those that know me, I hope I have never be known to shirk a challenge and this is no different. I had put up, so now it was time to pay up, because you sure as hell won’t get me to shut up! He placed a timer on the floor and proceeded to spank me across his knee over my tight pencil skirt for the first minute or so. Then my skirt came up and I was spanked harder and longer over my flimsy black lace knickers which offered little protection! Finally, reality sunk in, he took down my scanties and spanked me good and hard to the climax of the first five minute session. I got up with a stinging bottom and spent five minutes in the corner to reflect and the get my breath back, it was that intense!

For the second session I was told to place myself over the table and a cushion was placed underneath my tummy. Again it was the same format, firstly over my skirt, then over my knickers, and ending on my bare bottom. This time it was harder and faster and I gasped and winced a few times as the clock struck through the minutes in front of me. It was measured, hard and fast paced at times but somehow I got through it and felt good that I did, because it was an amazing experience for me, too. Going into the unknown gave me the additional adrenelin and butterflies that I often need to help me through times like this, so whilst it could have been reckless, it turned out it was a good old fashioned very English spanking, from a similarly fine exponent and master craftsman.The pictures in this post were taken at the time as evidence. I only had my mobile camera with me so sorry if they are not perfect but I hope you can see I was well spanked and he coloured me badd!

I am giving some blog lurve to two very hottt new girlfriends who contacted me to share links to their new site Spank That Brat and their blog Spankthatbratblog. I dipped into their fantastic site today, loved what I saw and we are discussing the possibility across the miles of meeting up sometime to shoot some vids and pics together. I haven’t done much girl on girl before (and even less ‘girl-on girl- on girl’ lol!!) but this kitty is never ever a scared katty so ‘The Trouble with bad girl sleepovers’ files could be be very interesting viewing i’m sure! Anyway, regardless of whether these girls are brave enough to work with me haha, please go visit their site and give them your support.

I had some good news today, a letter is going out to me and I am on the list to start Acting classes on Monday 22nd and i can’t wait! We will be covering character creation, voice, improvisation (which I have had a lot of practice on as a spanking model!) and performance discipline (hum….not sure I am that well disciplined so my lords and masters may need to give me some extra private tuition). I have been practicing some monologues for a while now and started speech lessons two weeks ago, so going to college will help me apply some of that I hope.  After the three months in college I am planning on going straight on to the the next part of the course and sometime next year I hope to be ready to try some proper roles…well, they can’t be more painful than being a spanking model?!.  I am not going to rush it though, or ever give up on my dream, I want to just work hard and listen to the teachers this time ..for a change. Don’t worry though, I am still planning on being a spanking model too for as long as you’ll have me, or I get too big for my pantomime boots …or is that the back end of a horse?!! 

I will be away now for a week or so and down in London again, so will catch up with you again soon. Here is a recent pic of the back end of that horse I was telling you about hee hee!!

I remember watching an old black and white film as a child called “The 39 Steps” (1935, Alfred Hitchcock) . I always used to have dreams about being on the run, of hiding behind walls and crawling through tunnels to escape captivity and run away from people. I visited the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam a few years ago and cried my eyes out openly. I know for sure that I have had past lives that have haunted me, as well as my present one which was equally shaped and affected by events out of my control early on when I was too young and scared to speak up. It’s all fine and normal now though but when I first saw “The Bourne Identity” it brought it back a bit, and much as I loved the film (and Matt Damon), I had a fear of being captured throughout. I have since read books on dreams and had it all explained and personalised for me by doctors, psychiatrists and counselors over the years, so I sleep well and am at peace with it all.

However, I think my BDSM tendencies are still affected because I have fears of being captured, caged, tied up or blindfolded so I doubt I will ever make a good real life ‘player’, hence I stick to the things that I know I need emotionally and understand better. Of course as a spanking model or actress I can play dark roles really well, because my fears and emotions are real and I am in a safe environment, but to try any of it for real would take the sort of trust I am not sure I would ever be able to hand over to anyone. Why am I saying this? Well, I have had conversations with and have dated a few Doms who are more experienced in terms of real ‘BDSM’ activity and were looking for submissives to train. I think they are surprised that when I wince and turn my nose up at so many things, when as a supposed ’submissive’ or ’spanking model’ they assume I am experienced in much of it, or should be. I can take punishment and pain as much as many (so I am told and led the believe) so it isn’t a question of my suitability or worthiness but more-so whether I really want to share that much of myself in certain activities that seem alien to me. I would wonder how much of it would be for their own self-gratification and how much they actually cared about me and I don’t ever want to feel demeaned. I am a total submissive in terms of how I see myself with an authoritative figure and my general nature, but that is far more in a domestic setting which I understand more because it does not feel ‘play’ or a test of limits like a game. Being spanked in real life for real reasons is a completely different thing though and something I do understand and accept. I did like the movie “The Secretary” though and that is as far as I would go I think, so maybe I am just sick and scared of being probed and tested anymore, who knows?

On a similar note, I was doing a role play but was so tired, having got up too early. I knew my character well as I had played her in previous scenarios, and I rehearsed well and was looking forward to the scene. When it came to it and I was being told off (scolded) I just started giggling and couldn’t stop myself, whereas in the past I have been able to play daunting scenes well so I’m told. This was a one-off for me and my co-star has since generously emailed me and said “believe me, the majority of people would have noticed nothing at all wrong. Even on an “off day” you role-play at a level far beyond…”, but I still feel bad that I was not at my best. I won’t beat myself up though because I am human and maybe I have to get used to the fact now that I need to slow down and not push myself so hard all the time. The actual physical punishment bits were fine but when it had all finished he sensed I was not really up to the scening and asked if “Emma” wanted a caning instead. I surprised myself and agreed and said I would take another hard caning. I don’t know why but I wasn’t still locked in sub-space as my role-play character but down on the floor as just me. He gave me six strokes and at the end I lay slumped over the back of the chair and cried my eyes out. When I got up, he gave me a massive hug and I cried on his shoulder. He asked if I was OK now but to my (again) surprise I asked for another six. This was a first for me, but I put it down to my tiredness and need for an emotional release, but I am not sure why I felt like this or if I will again. The process and result were repeated and afterwards we sat down and talked. I was visibly more relaxed, speaking slower and calmer, like I and just got out of a hot bath or sauna! Well, my bottom was sore for real but I felt tranquil for change (see pictures above, sorry a bit grainy). So, was that ‘a ‘BDSM’ experience? You know how i feel about labels lol!, but I just don’t get it anymore and the lines are becoming smudged.

I am pleased to say that I will be shooting with Lucy and Paul at Northern Spanking next month and I am really looking forward to making my debut. I love what they do, it is one of the best sites around so please continue to support them with your memberships. I will report back on this once my attitude has been adjusted (lol, AS IF!!) so please pop in to Northern Spanking to see what kind of welcome I get!

I have just posted the following message to the British Spanking Forum , which I am repeating here in case anyone had planned to contribute to my charity auction.  It reads:

[STARTS}

“OMG! in just three days I am amazed to announce that my charity auction is now closed. I have had three direct straight bids of £50 and a few more from you wonderful peeps in the spirit of ebay. The three ‘prizes can now be chosen by the winners in order of finish and I will contact them soon to make arrangements to carry out my sentence as a condemned spankee haha. I am only sorry that I cannot offer something to those who came close, but a big kiss and hug if we ever meet.

What was my vision from this and the reminder I had when I started it?

It was of a child with leukemia looking up to me with hands outstretched and saying “Please Help me”. I am always emotionally moved by the NSPCC adverts on TV and see this desperation for help as the same so every pound you offered was a step closer, a further seed to find a cure. The Bums on the Run “Race for life” event that I did last year with my lovely spanking scene model friends, where we were amongst hundreds of women running with messages to their lost ones on their backs, reminded me that there is always more to do. Everyone is affected or may be in their lifetime. Miss Behave (from British Spanking site) single handedly will now reach £4000 in donations and the correspondence we have had together reminded me that she is one brave lady and a special friend who this site should be proud of. A ‘Dame’ if ever I saw one ..’Dame Miss Behave’ maybe, or just ‘Dame Behave’ lol?

What have I learnt from this?

That this is an amazing, wonderful, generous, and heart warming group of people who really care. Yes we fantasise, yes we kink ourselves up, yes we amuse each other, yes we sometimes beg to differ and it can get ugly sometimes, but at munches, parties or in private when I have met ‘BS’ people they have all been THE most ‘real’ group of people I have ever met. I was prepared to take a huge fall and loss of face if it all went horribly wrong (and thanks Ranger for finding flaws and loopholes in my script lol!) but that would not have mattered to me. Trying to help and failing if I had to mattered a lot more than sitting back and doing nothing. I don’t care about myself but I do care about the victims. Right now I have no words except….

Appreciation and love, and I hope we can do all this again sometime

Emma”
xx

[ENDS}

Thanks for the emails of support I have had in just three days and the most wonderful hour long phone call I had today with one of the ‘winners’. Whilst some may understandably want to talk about the activity (i.e: him claiming his prize) our conversation was about fund raising and the work others do and continue to do. I actually thought I would get no interest in this and end up looking silly for mentioning it. With it being over so soon I am partially sorry that not many people saw the auction and could share in the fun of ‘ebaying’ for me. However, I am more glad that the donation that came in is the maximum and that’s what counts to me and the needs of the charity. I would add though that the entire ’spanking’ community and all that indulge are the best anywhere. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about spanking, it doesn’t count against this, but the money raised will so please forgive me if I don’t have my spanking model face on today. Now tomorrow, is another day, but right now I am going to sleep with a huge smile on my face