The Unsecret Diaries of Emma Bishop

I had an online conversation with a stranger recently that developed and touched a nerve.  He watched me in my films, but wasn’t looking at my bottom but my eyes. He made an observation about my feelings in those moments that nobody else has ever done, or at least never told me about before.  He was exactly right, like he knew me, or someone like me because the way he described how it is for me could not have been done any better by a trained psychologist. In fact he carefully explained it to me like a good friend might do or a Doctor, as I paused to cry a little and then a lot, feeling stupid that I could open up this easily to a stranger when most times I keep it to myself. I have only rarely opened up to a couple of people about my feelings before, but they are people I know a little better and would trust because I know they really seem to get me as a person. I actually hope I will get to speak to him again sometime because this seems like a very unfinished conversation and I liked the fact that I mattered enough that he wanted to help.

I will be getting back to basics (spanking) soon, in fact I have decided to lift my self imposed butt-out and will be spanked this week yayyyy!!!….but today I thought of how I really feel again and wanted to share it in a few words for a change. I won’t try and explain it, but just smile and sign off again for now as your resident happy spanking model :)  Bishy xxxx

Your Mark

It’s broken …. will I let YOU fix it?
The recipe is ruined now
Too sweet or two sour
How will I know when to let go again?
Will I be happy if I just say ‘No’ again?

If I awake to find you here?
Would my dreams collide?
Tempted by power again
Do I want the moon to shatter?
If I had another taste, would I flower again?

Lifted by providence
Guided by dark
Brethren my angels, mercy my spark
Back to a hopeless place again by dawn
When you leave me with just souvenirs, your mark

I’ve been very busy in vanillaland lately and have been concentrating on everything from survival to new world success.  Spanking has still been in my thoughts,  but denial and abstinence had been an easier and safer option to avoid complications and messing with my head too much.  Put simply, I could be spanked lots more, but I chose not to right now.  I went to a spanking party last weekend but hardly felt like playing really so it was more of a social and chance to see good friends again. When I was new to the scene I used to be a bit of a spank tart and I admit a ‘hey look at me’ type, who would play in public with just about anyone who wanted to spank me.  I hope no-one can accuse me of being unsociable, and the experiences I had gave me a lot of confidence and experience when I became a spanking model.  Now when I go to free-for-all type parties I look at people playing and think ‘Yea, done that bit’ and I love the fact they seem to be  enjoying it as much as I did. I guess now I have moved on a lot, preferring something far more personal and meaningful than just play. I do like small group parties still where there are clear rules and boundaries and I know I am booked to play as a model, but open floor ones I am less comfortable with. I actually feel slightly embarrassed to be on display in this way now. It’s nothing to do with stage fright of course cos I never ever had that anywhere, but just how I feel about myself as a person. Being a spanking model actually helps now because I don’t get asked to play as much. Either way its nice to just be able to be there now and see others having fun. This doesn’t mean for a nanosecond that I am not as kinky and in need of spanking as much as ever, its just that sometimes maybe I analyse the peripherals too much and need to run or hide away for a while until I can compromise again.

I went to the BBB (Birmingham Bazaar Baaar - Fetish Market) last weekend and saw a really great demo ‘Bondage for Sex’ from Mr and Mrs M. I am not really into BDSM as such, but watching this was kinda sexy and the way it was done made it look like fun. It was a great show, almost one that could be shown in a vanilla setting, it was entertaining and  funny. Mr M showed how to convert a mattress into a bondage play area with clamps suitably placed, and how to tie the right knots and make them easily movable and safe to get off. He also showed this wonderful party piece of throwing a pair of trainers over a hotel room door and tying the laces on the inside so that hooks can be used and the door frame becomes a stand up bondage play area! I went from being scared about all of this to laughing about it and thinking its not such a bad thing really and could be fun. I doubt I will seriously get to want it in my own repertoire of kinks but in a fun play situation it will always be a giggle!

I had a lovely request the other day from John who said he is big fan of mine. He asked me for a signed photograph which I have very happily just done for him and will post tomorrow. I asked him to look through my site and select a picture of his choice that I could print and sign. Out of all my photos he selected this recent one from my ‘Thrill Bill’ shoot that appeared in my blog. I often wonder which of my photos you like best and this was a pleasant surprise. I still think “OMG” and have a huge smile of gratitude on my face whenever I hear I actually have ‘fans’ and that something I am involved with is being appreciated. I see it as a testament to all of the fantastic people I work with and my true friends who care about me and have seen me grow up, and still are I hope. I love being an actress but hey, if my bottom is all that matters to most people while I’m still in this ring then fine I’ll take that for now! Lately I am coming to terms with all of this though, and it’s kinda helping me to get my head up and be more confident, and to keep focussed on my dream and the prize.

I was also surprised to get an email from a lovely man in the US last month. Remember the ‘Bums on the Run‘ charity fundraising event I was involved with in 2007? Well this particular guy won one of the auctions, for a pair of knickers I wore in my 2006 free online Christmas video ‘The Twelve Strokes of Christmas’ that appeared in my previous Blogger blog. I think his winning bid was $50 which was fantastic and I was so glad my smalls helped towards our target! He said he still had the signed photo that was part of the package, and still had the knickers, but had lost the copy of the film on a specially signed DVD I also sent him. I was really amazed when he asked if I would be kind enough to send another one, or a download link. It was such a thrill to know that he still wanted it after all this time, so thanks Ben for your email and taking care of my prized red lace knickers!  xxx

If there is anything else I can do to give something back to my lovely fans, I mean friends and readers, please let me know. Maybe a different role to play, maybe I will do another charity event or something? As long as you tell me when I have overstayed my welcome here though x

A mixed bag of snippets in this post cos its easier and I have a lot going on next week so may not have time for much.

‘Breaking’ News

I had some unfinished business with someone from before Christmas and yesterday it was dealt with, or should I say I was!. This time I went over to see him for a change which meant having to get trains. He told me to bring some implements with me along with a school uniform (my tartan skirted one) and another short skirt to wear in the day. It was a relaxed whole afternoon and evening, so plenty of time to get to the bottom of some outstanding issues. I had this long genuine school cane in my cupboard which broke, but it was still about two feet long. I decided to try and fit it into my big Fiorelli handbag along with the other stuff, so I bought some sandpaper and sanded the broken end down as someone had told me once to avoid cuts. It ended up about 2 feet long with the crook handle too. With a slight bend I managed to squeeze it in, thinking it would probably not be any good if it wasn’t the usual length. But oh no, he soon got to grips with it and it hurt exactly the same as a longer one.  In fact he said it was easier to use and more accurate!  I ended up being spanked, slippered, given the leather paddle and caned as well. By the time we sat down for dinner my bottom was sore which goes to prove that size doesn’t really matter

Fitness for purpose

I was speaking to my lovely hairdresser the other day and he was showing me how to dry my hair better with a paddle brush. It came out so well that I decided to get myself one. I already have a fantastic one in my implements cupboard, but no way did I want to use that one on my hair so I bought another one from Boots (which I’m sure is still as good if needed). I brush my hair with it every night now and it’s in so much better condition now (my hair that is). Oh, and my bottom is ‘gorgeous’ too according to my friend last night so I’m as happy as a bunny again now ( a non endangered bunny that is, or maybe not lol!)!. I’ve been working out three times a week to Ministry of Sound Pump it Up 2010 DVD doing squats and lunges, after three months of being lazy and getting fat and untoned so I am getting back to my best now I hope. So this is one of my beauty secrets now if I can be so vain as to say that in my case. I prefer paddle brushes for both purposes than rounded wooden brushes that bruise. I hate bruising on my bottom at any time because I often had that from my ex mentor’s heavy prison type tawse and hated it even though he didn’t set out to bruise me just leave me very sore.  The paddle brush stings a lot more than a wooden one too because its flatter. It hurts much ‘more to sit down with a red raw bottom though after a spanking from these things, and it is always out in my bedroom anyway if needed … until I hide it of course!

The Fog on the Tyne is all mine (and particularly dense and blonder)

I was out in the car after dinner with another good friend the other day and we were talking about scene likes and dislikes. He is more into BDSM (I am not at all really) and was talking about bondage and tickling. Now there was a lot of traffic on the road and it was noisy. He referred to them as the ‘Tie and Tease’ brigade. Me being very scatty blond in common sense real life as you all know and not really that knowledgeable about these methods and, thinking about other things (like spanking later possibly), didn’t hear as well as I should have done. I replied, “What, you mean they are from the Newcastle area”?. He had a puzzled look on his face and said “What do you mean?” to which I went on “I mean, they are from the Tyne and Tees area?”!! He laughed so much and I’m glad he didn’t crash the car, but it is added to my list of ‘Emma moments’ now! I’m great at understanding things I can do on auto pilot that I know already, like business stuff I’ve learned and had explained to me or creative things I can make up etc. But day to day stuff that most people know I get lost on and that’s why I am still very often back at school with teachers etc! I think maybe I need to become a whippet and try and clear the fog!

Blog love

Just a quick mention as I promised my friend Cliff James of one of his fantastic sites:  Miss Teresa May Spanks.

Cliff has added a lot of galleries for those (particularly gentlemen) who like to be on the receiving end and I’m told she takes no nonsense!

Some things hurt more, much more than Cars and Girls!

Oh yes…my new job at South West Police station!
I love this uniform so much, so huge thanks to Mike and the team at Spanked In Uniform for making me feel so at home looking like a British bobette and being able to imagine myself in “The Bill” (a UK weekly TV police drama - for any of my readers across the pond or beyond). South West Police Station is set in a small town and is known for administering swift justice. Strangely this is only to the naughty female PC’s who love their careers (and uniforms!) so much that they have no choice but to have everything they say (including their knickers) taken down and used against them!

In this episode, once again Lottie Kinsade and myself are called into the Chief’s office to be given our duties for the day. He tells us to take the newest car in the fleet out on the road but to BE CAREFUL with it. What with me being a bit of a fast track girl racer and Lottie being a willing passenger enjoying the ride, we speed through the streets with the siren on attracting gazes and eventual complaints from the angry members of the public. After finding out that this particular car is a real mover we decide to use our apparent authority and park it anywhere we choose. It’s late morning and all this driving around has made us both hungry, so we leave the car and go to the local cafe for a traditional English breakfast (aka a “fry up”).

When we get back to the station the Chief is not a happy man after complaints from the public and he reads us the riot act. I admit it was all my responsibility and try and get Lottie off the hook, but he has little time for willing accomplices so she is in as much trouble as I am just for sitting there. We are lucky this time that we don’t lose our stripes or get any cane stripes added to our bottoms, but our boss ensures we won’t enjoy sitting down comfortably in that car for the rest of the day. We are both spanked across his knee very soundly, sent to the corner and given the paddle as we grasp our ankles and regret our high speed adventure.

South West Police Station is a continuing saga series at Spanked In Uniform. There are criminals on the street and suspects to be apprehended so we must stick together as colleagues and back each other up. Or do we? What happens when one of us wants promotion and needs to cover her own arse? Or if a member of the public decides he wants to take matters into his own hands? Will the Chief use his iron hand himself, or create a new rule of thumb and allow them to act in loco parentis? Please join Spanked In Uniform to see this movie and all of my friends on the beat at South West Police Station!

How was it for me?

In this film I tried to remember and use the old accent I had growing up living on a London council estate, “council house girl made bad” you might say lol!. My mum who went to a girls grammar school and speaks well was forever correcting me and saying “just because we are living here you don’t have to speak like that”!. I tried to add some slang cockney type expressions and personality to my character by sniffing a bit, sighing a lot and calling our boss “Guv” (like they do in ‘The Bill’). I didn’t really have long to work on it, it was all just improvised at the time but now I’ve done this it will be easier to bring her back more definitely next time I’m in trouble. Lottie was really great as always to work with and really characterised her part well and makes a lovely London PC. I find it so brilliant and much easier for me when I’m playing opposite people who can just pick up the story and run with it ad-libbing and making it real. Mike was of course the perfect leading man again, and OMG he spanks so hard so I never for a moment thought I was anywhere else other than in trouble at South West Police Station!

OMG, what a strange week I’ve had! I’ve been wrapped up trying to set up a new business idea and have hardly left the house, my computer chair, and often my bed! I am a bit of a perfectionist (so i’m told) once I get into something. I have learned some new web design things and spent hours and hours reading online tutorials and watching video training clips. It will all help me in time I know and I will get it back in the rewards for my artwork and pleasure from my designs I would hope. I want my freedom now so being a marketing freelance agent gives me that and I can invest in my real passions and dreams.

I do enjoy working in an office, and may do again, but I got sick of all the politics and feeling undervalued and misunderstood when I always only ever wanted the best out of what I did for the benefit of the business. Because I said what I thought surely that means I cared enough to improve the situation and not that I was being awkward? The best compliment I ever had in business or anywhere was when I was on a selective fast track management course a few years ago. I didn’t fit in with ‘talking the talk’ and feeling I was being cloned into a uniformed ‘Yes’ person who would always tell them what they wanted to hear, ‘cover my arse’ (oooh I hate that expression!) and never offer any new ideas, unless I was enhancing something that came from above and dressing it up as some kind of godly ethos that we all had to hum a mantra to grrrrr!! Some of the titles given to these totally obvious common sense ways of doing things, like they were the holy grail or something were ridiculous and had high pukeability!

What was the derogatory meant ‘compliment’ I had? It was actually meant to put me down because it was part of the feedback I got during my cloning, I mean training. I was told I was a ‘loose cannon’!! Me, a loose cannon? ..someone who fires off in a different direction, who maybe “thinks outside the box” (oh, please!), who will stand up and ‘”go the extra mile” (another useless business buzzword expression I hated; translated as ‘working overtime and staying late for no extra pay just to look good in front of the boss’…well maybe I shouldn’t be so efficient and should deliberately fall behind with tasks and never put my hand up and say when I’m given ridiculous objectives to achieve just for cheapskate companies to save cost on hiring someone else!), and all in the name of changing staid and inefficient methods even if she gets sent away for extended gardening leave sometimes (very much like being expelled from school)? Someone who likes to try and be innovative, free thinking, creative, passionate about everything she does, gives 100% and is an absolute committed team player too? Noooooo, that’s not me is it?! I’ve been called a rebel too and a lot of that shows in my behaviour patterns I know that but I get so fed up being taken down a path I know is wrong with ’strategy’ that totally suxxx, even if I am proved right all along after I have left!. Maybe because I’m pretty immature I don’t know how to say things the right way and that’s why I have had mentors and lots of discipline and stuff, but I am improving even if I still have a long way to go.

I’m not a very confident person either, but that has been helped too by people who have taken a personal interest in me, and there have been one or two in offices that I can thank for that. OK, they didn’t teach me anything or spank me when I didn’t take any notice, but they made me feel good about myself just by making me feel wanted and valued. When I think of a loose cannon though, I think of one on a ship in Nelson’s fleet in the open seas, firing outwards into the sky and not limiting any possibilities. I don’t think of one that fires inwardly at its own team or is close to dry dock shooting at civilians. I do actually know what I want to do most times, but because I have interests in quite a few areas I am often juggling a lot of balls in the air at any one time which is akin to cannon balls firing off in all directions I guess? If I am such a bad ass loose cannon then how come I have superb personal references and evidence of success, excellent qualifications and got a text message from someone I worked with recently saying she was amazed I had left and that everyone really misses me and I am a “genius”?! LOL genius is a tad too strong, but I was alright I guess in her opinion. In the meantime I hope people will understand that I no longer wish to be told I have to “hit the ground running” or be given a “heads up” about things, unless I have a chance to be a bigger part of the action, and be properly valued and rewarded for it and not feel used and dumped on. Anyway, if it all comes out in the wash, or a part of my dream is realised by the time the big man in the sky beams me up, well then I have maybe hit a few people with my ‘loose cannon’… but in a good way!

Delivered with extra vegetarian ’sauce’!

What do you get when you cross a Vegan with two deliberately devious Air Stewardesses? You get one very cross passenger on his way to report said naughty girls to their boss Mike, head of Europe Airlines!

This film appearance took me to the headquarters of Europe Airlines at Spanked in Uniform. Europe Airlines is unlike the usual mile high clubs, because not only do we have to wear specially sexy-short pink uniforms but, you’ve guessed it, corporal punishment is very much in force. In this particular film my lovely co-star Lottie Kinsade and I play stewardesses who realise that neither of us had taken care of our vegetarian passengers at meal time.  We later find out that it is our bottoms that get taken really good care of by our irate boss!

The story begins in the catering area aisle at the back of the plane. We are about to give out the meals to the passengers when Lottie asks me to confirm I had prepared the vegetarian meals.  As I had done them for the past three flights I felt this was as rich as her sauce,  so I said it was her turn this time. Lottie being Lottie had forgotten but remained calm about the whole thing and decided to take the chicken out,  while I suggested adding some extra dressing and “mixing it up a bit so they wouldn’t notice”. In our joint naivety of all things soya we imagined the passengers would have lost their sense of smell too, whilst also forgetting to take out the bits of bacon that added to the fat juices. Of course one very distressed passenger came back to us to complain that his meal was “swimming in fat” and that he was “hungry and wanted a vegetarian meal”. Lottie bravely tried to smooth things over by offering him a complimentary drink, but he was having none of it and said he was reporting us to our boss on arrival.

When we reached arrivals our boss Mike was waiting for us and demanded an explanation. This time it was harder to talk our way out of it because the passenger got there first with the facts, so it was like being caught red handed with our hands in the mixture! Mike ordered us to follow him up to the office and asked us to tell him what we thought would happen to us when we go there. We both hung our heads and said we didn’t know, to which he said “Oh, you know”, and he asked us both to say that we were going to get “a spanking”. With that two naughty girls end up with our bottoms across Mike’s knee. As he spanks us (really hard) he spells out that it has cost him “Seven-Hundred- and-Fifty- Euros!” to compensate the passenger and that this would be coming out of our bare bottoms. To make it even more embarrassing and humiliating we were told to pose for some photos that were being sent to the passenger,  so that he could see on our faces and bottoms that we were truly sorry..or were we?

Europe Airlines is a continuing saga series where anything can happen on deck or in that dreaded office. We were lucky to keep our highly paid jobs and know that if it happens again we will be back in even hotter water. Or maybe we will get it right next time and never be up before Mike again? Or, maybe we will drop one of the other girls in the vegetarian sauce next time?!

Please join Spanked in Uniform to see this movie and all of my Air Stewardess friends in the continuing saga and series at Europe Airlines.!

How was it for me

I learned a lot from this film as an actress and was disappointed with myself. I had a fit of the giggles in the scene with the passenger, which got Lottie laughing too, but after quite a few takes we eventually managed to put it together. I had to walk away and find a quiet corner and try to breathe deeply and get back in the zone. For the first time I stepped out and wasn’t there and this genuinely upset me.  I was very close to tears and questioning my ability. You can see this on my face at the moment I am standing before Mike apologising and about to go across his knee. It was a real apology, even though nobody but me knew what for, and I had real tears in my eyes.  Oh i know it happens on a film set, and I could easily have said “it’s only a spanking film”‘ but I have such high standards for myself. I take all my films seriously and they have to feel real to me and I hated that I couldn’t stay in the role like I intended. This was shot first thing on day two of my stay and I woke up really lethargic and very tense so that didn’t help either. The final film came out really great I think, I can’t believe it myself how fantastically well it was put together, and I guess you won’t be able to tell there was anything wrong with me on the day. I know there was though, it was a half hearted performance from me by the end that was very flat and I just wanted it over. I don’t like watching my own films aside from analysing my acting performance but this one I will watch less. I’m going to work in private with some acting friends on confrontational scenes so that I can learn from this and stay focussed on where I really want to be.

I had a full discipline day yesterday with a new ‘Sir’. I won’t call him a boyfriend just yet though because I’ve been in freefall lately and rushed into things too easily before, but I hope it works out OK. I had built up a list of things in my journal that needed dealing with and yesterday I was punished for three of them. We had a bit of  a technical problem though because there are workmen in the flat next door which is right next to my living room.  My spare room became the punishment room for the day instead because it’s far enough away from my neighbours. Not that everybody in the block probably doesn’t already know I get spanked, they must do by now because my ex-Mentor used to spank me quite regularly, and I was very vocal and often spanked in my bedroom and sent to bed crying late at night.

Yesterday I had four separate spankings, all with his hand but his slipper was added for two of them. My bottom was quite sore by the time he left, but once he put some cream on it actually got worse! By the time I was sitting up in bed typing on my laptop in the evening it was even more painful! I find that because my skin is really still unusually baby soft it tends to absorb a lot of the impact at the time. Even though it was very red and hurt when I was spanked it didn’t become more painful to sit down until it sunk in later in the evening. I always like to have cream on though because it helps my skin stay in shape and hey, it feels good anyway! The first picture was taken afterwards and the second one was taken about two hours later, more red as you can see. It is still sore this morning but I guess I did deserve it for my recent behaviour and attitude. Oh, and I still have cane marks from my caning on 19th November which was an even bigger lesson to be careful what I do!

Maid with attitude!

My next review of one of my movies at  Spanked in Uniform is at The Birchrod Inn. It is described as “a small bed and breakfast located in the countryside. When girls from the hotel schools, other hotels or personal maids do not perform their maid duties properly, they are sent to the Birchrod Inn to get a few days training which includes strict discipline and plenty of sore red bottoms. The girls are dressed in a very sexy French Maid’s uniform”.  Lottie Kinsade and I play two lazy maids sent to the establishment from our current employer at The President Hotel to try and find out just what it is we are doing wrong. The standards we have always set for ourselves are to do as little as possible for as much money as possible, and what’s wrong with that we think?! It is at Birchrod Inn that we find out that our high and mighty lives as maids are really meant to be lowly unhappy ones.

The story begins with Mike receiving a phone call from our boss at The President Hotel, requesting a place for us at The Birchrod for a few days. Mike listens with interest and promises that we will be trained in his own brand of hotel etiquette and will be sent back with very sore bottoms. On arrival we have to change into French Maid’s outfits (which according to me look “ridiculous”!), and we are told to report back downstairs to be greeted by Mike to assigns us our tasks.  He gets annoyed that we ignore the fact that he is kept waiting and take our time. When we eventually come downstairs he notices that we haven’t bothered to dress properly, so we are both ordered to pull our stockings up and stand up straight. We are sent off to perform our duties; Lottie goes upstairs to clean the bathroom and I end up in the Kitchen doing the washing up.

After a while I get bored and decide to take my usual break to relax and watch TV, just like I always do in a guest’s room! Unbeknown to me Lottie hasn’t done a particularly  good job of cleaning the shower and is on her way back downstairs for a spanking followed by our angry boss Mike.  I finally find a channel I like and settle back to enjoy the fun when Mike storms in and orders me to turn the TV off. I jump up and protest but he is having none of it. We are both spanked soundly across his knee and ordered to face the wall showing our bottoms to the guests for a full 15 minutes!

The Birchrod Inn is a continuing saga series and I need to be prepared for things like: Will I get too comfortable at The Birchrod and oversleep like Julie? Was this just a few days training or do I get sent back for further lessons in domesticity and etiquette? How annoyed was I that Lottie made sure I got spanked first when we were asked “who’s first?”, and, will I turn the tables next time so that she is seen as the baddest maid in the house? Or, will I get into new scrapes and find myself in new territory when I test Mike’s patience and resolve even more?

Please join  Spanked in Uniform to see this movie and all of my French Maid attired friends in the continuing saga and series at The Birchrod Inn!

How was it for me?

We shot this film first in the schedule so it was the first time I had worked with Mike and Lottie.  I decided to give my character an arrogance and make her objectionable and sullen, to make it easier for Mike to have even more reasons to take me down a peg or two.  Emma the maid has had an easy life so far, she is used to being lazy and ill-disciplined, that’s until Mike takes her under his wing. We were both spanked really hard and I was shocked to my socks for my first time with him, but it was merely a taste of things to come for the rest of the shoot I think!  I am looking forward to developing this character next time,  and I am making sure I follow the series so that I stay in tune with what the other girls are doing and the tone of the place.  I did love the uniform though, particularly the white garters and headband and I decided to go for pigtails this time to match how I saw my character. I am trying to make each character I play different, although unlike my usual acting preparation I didn’t get the time to build physicality characteristics or work on accents and voice. I will do what I can though to make it more challenging and interesting for me too and hope you like it :)!

Brrrr… its so cold, and that’s just inside in my flat! It was so cold that I have just put my pyjamas and dressing gown back on and gone back to bed just to keep warm.

These pictures were live as of 5 minutes ago and are from a chat I had with a friend on cam. I had been contributing to his forum thread with my ‘Thrill Bill’ spoof thing that I posted about within this blog post and we were catching up on when I would be available again for ‘operations’. He just sent me a ’send webcam’ request but I told him I look awful today and was in bed, not a scrap of make up and had my glasses on (which you have never seen me in, OMG hell no!). I eventually agreed to do it so long as he didn’t laugh at me, but he generously (very!) still insisted I look like Uma Thurman . ..yea rite, on a very bad day with a blind camera crew lol!!  If this ruins my acting and modeling career then hey, this is supposedly me, reality TV or whatever its called!

Back to me being cold brrr..or is it grrrr?! I’ve got these useless storage heaters here and either they aren’t working properly or have been set up with the wrong times again, even though someone has been here and should have sorted them out. I don’t do cold, and when I was working in an office I was always the one sneakily turning the aircon up to 29 degrees. This had all the men moaning about being too hot and asking around who turned it up while I just kept my head down! Some days they would be sitting there in short sleeve shirts and I would have my coat on to make a point (honestly!). Yea, allrite, I am a bit of a spoilt madam prima donna type, or a  ’southern softie’ as one of them called me but I can’t function at all in the cold, it’s a total non performance and i’m like a car with no spark plugs!

A good example of this was the other week when I was about to be spanked. I insisted i couldn’t relax or concentrate properly and was physically shivering because I really did feel cold and my hands were freezing. He put it down to me being nervous about being spanked (of course all disciplinarians like to think that at the moment they ask you to get across their knee lol!) but it was sooo not the case, I REALLY was cold, cold.  After I was spanked I was still cold and couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to have learnt from it even when I was doing corner time, because the corner is next to the window and the window is draughty and..colder!!! At my mum’s in London where I was bought up it is always gloriously hot, she has central heating on full blast and even in the summer so I am used to it. I think it sort of accounts for my general condition and well being being brought up in a warm climate so to speak and whenever I go anywhere with the sun on my face, like my last holiday to Thailand in 2008, I’m at my best the minute I arrive visually and mentally and people say they can see in my face immediately, it’s weird. Cold weather makes me feel grim and right now this is the lowest I have felt about my living conditions so I need to sort something out soon I think because it is affecting my whole motivation. Speaking of which I am due to be spanked soon and have racked up a list of 11 naughty things that are on the slate from Christmas. I am told it won’t be a warm up but the real thing so at least one part of my anatomy is going to be hot!