The Unsecret Diaries of Emma Bishop

Seeing as I didn’t get to do much fund raising this year, apart from joining ‘Sense’ which I now donate to and will encourage and shame others into joining,  I have decided to offer my bottom to the highest bidders again. Regular readers to my blog in September 2008 will see that I did this once before, didn’t learn my lesson and have been sent back to charity school to find myself some more private tutors!

My very good friend Miss Behave and my friends from British Spanking Forum are doing a Sponsored Bike Ride  on 19th July 2009. They are riding the 26 mile Scenic Route starting and finishing at The Royal Chelsea Hospital in London with a half-way picnic stop at Richmond Park.

Having heard of their plight I want to help them exceed their target again. With your contributions we can do this and help improve lives and improve the lives of those left behind from the tragedy of this awful disease. My part is easy, I just have my knickers taken down and my bottom spanked and thrashed by possibly some serious experts out there…but at least I will live. As my Mentor said when I was over his knee and wanting it to end …”Stop crying Emma, nobody ever died from a spanking!”. Well now it is time to see how much of a survivor I can be, but it will only be a paltry small fry effort compared with children and adults who brave this illness every single day of their lives. Let’s try and made it an hour, day, week, month or lifetime less that they have to fight this eh?

THE AUCTION - SPANK A BISHOP FOR CHARITY 2009

Details are on the British Spanking site but to remind you of how much I really need your help now here is what is happening and what you have to do to enter and help us:

There are 3 prizes.

Winner gets to spank and cane me (12 strokes)
Second gets to spank and strap me (12 strokes)
Third gets to spank me

I will either take this as straight domestic discipline or as a role play/in outfit if you want it to be a scene.

The closing date is Midnight on Friday 17th July 2009.

The minimum starting bid is £20 and can be increased in 50p increments (i.e £20, £20.50, £21.00 etc).

Highest bidder at that time gets the first prize, second gets second and third gets third. All three winners have to donate the amounts they have bid up until the closing date to claim their prizes. This will form the total auction fund i am offering my bottom for!

Bids can be either online on the British Spanking site , to Miss Behave by personal message if you are a member  or you can email me here with your bid.

I am in London from Friday 7th to Saturday 15 August (inclusive) and will also be attending the BS Party on 8th August  if anyone wants to claim their prize then, or winners can visit me in Birmingham at a convenient time.

Credit Crunch?? Maybe we all have to tighten our belts right now…. but what price a life?

PLEASE PLEASE HELP

Appreciation,

Emma

xxxx

I can now announce that ‘The Trouble with Emma’  cartoon series is now available on my website.  You can see these here:  Cartoons and will find this new link on the main menu above.  A set of five individual cartoon stories by the artist David Ell (aka ‘Lodgey’) can be purchased online and downloaded as a single PDF file. I make no apologies for the nominal fee being charged for these (5 imaginative and beautifully created stories for £5) and am proud to support the arts in all forms. The cartoons are already becoming popular online and a full size trailer has been featured in the internationally recognised  Spanking Video News and Reviews site.  I hope to add regular new sets of stories to this area. If anyone is interested in a poster either framed or unframed,  perhaps for an event, fetish club or private play area please email me for details.

My cartoon stories, as well as the highly popular Sammy Simpkins series, can also be purchased for one pound each on a high gloss picture postcard with postmark reverse 4X6 (10X15MM) direct from the artist Dave Ell at lodgy53@yahoo.co.uk.

Two posts in a day so don’t say I’m not trying to make up for my neglecting my house duties :)!!

I have often said that I have lived before and people have said they have been amazed that my role play is so real and intense in certain scenes. There is lots I could tell you that has happened, spooky and deep to my core but I came across this from the site Victorian Crime and Punishment.

I’ve just been watching Casualty 1909 on TV about a Victorian hospital and for some strange reason went back online and came across the page in an innocent web search. I was meant to find it, there are powers bigger than all of us at work and it is a sign and an explanation.  There are limited records on the site, but if you think about the chances of there not only being an ‘Emma Bishop’, but also this page coming up tonight and staring me in the face when I didn’t even go into the site to search for it you will understand how amazing that is!  There are hundreds and thousands of name combinations the world over but this happened and I really can’t put any logic to it.  I am not sure what punishment I received back in the day and it will probably come back to me if I do a Victorian scene, but how would you punish me today for stealing?  This is soooo weird!! OMG, you can’t imagine how freaked I feel at this very moment by this and now I am off to bed and a bit scared by what dreams may come!

It’s great to be back in class again after a reluctant break. Sometimes all work and no play makes Jill a very miserable girl and I’m sure it’s showed in my blog. Thanks for sticking with me if you are still around, normal service will be resumed soon I hope! I have had to make sacrifices lately because of other stuff I’m doing which I will until Mid July, and I have really really missed the fun and games of the spanking scene. After all, I spent four years training to be a ‘web celeb’ with your kind support, but recently I have gone too vanilla for my own good and tried to separate my kink from being a part of my life.  I’m actually finding that its not really me at all and I think I also made the mistake of believing that because people are on my side in the scene they are just the same outside and they will encourage me to do well and help me improve. The truth is that some people are out to bring you down regardless and destroy your dreams. It’s the same everywhere and I really should concentrate on the 99% who seem to be on my side and let the public decide. Unless you know me you will never understand my truth and reality and don’t deserve to know me either grrrrrr! I threw a huge tantrum about this last week and almost told a few home truths and walked out screaming and kicking!

A good friend said last night that I am talented and have the capability to do anything but only need to surround myself with positive people because that’s what makes me tick and improve.  I did this in the spanking scene, got myself busy, worked with people I could learn from who believe in me, got out there with real people, ignored the occasional demotivating comment, did my own thing and it seemed to work for me.  I went to London for three days on a specialist course and came back buzzing and full of hope and with new skills, but it was wasted once I got back into the rat race and scaremongering competitive system. After all, I can choose who I want to work with and if I don’t like their attitude or feel comfortable with them then I don’t need to put up with it. My friends are lovely and I will do anything for them in any way I can and will be the happiest girl in the world if they achieve their dream in spite of the system. We will see.

I was thinking yesterday about the next video series I may do. Every time I think I will move away from school uniforms they seem to stare me in the face each time I open my workwear wardrobe! I was speaking to a good friend who manages a top spanking site the other day and helping him order some uniforms for prospective pupils, and he has kindly (or not because my bottom will be very sore) invited me to guest soon. As for my own videos I hope to plan and make some more once July is out the way. If you have any ideas for roles you would like to see me play then I’d love to know. If there are any scriptwriters out there too please also get in touch. I also did a new photo shoot the other week and co-incidentally my agency (fashion) are including me in the model directory so I am doubly pleased this side of my career is still surviving despite me not being able to attend many castings or free events they offered me tickets to. I even turned down an exclusive Polo event (jolly Hockey sticks et al) and the chance to rub shoulders with some real celebs so maybe things are looking up again after all!

I am very flattered and pleased to announce that I have been beautifully caricatured by artist David Ell (aka Lodgey)  in his new ‘The Trouble with Emma’ comic strip series! More details to follow soon but the cartoons appear in FLIKR right now and will feature on a range of top international spanking sites over the next few days.  Glossy postcards will be available as well as larger prints and details of how to order them will be given shortly.

Aside from the cartoon series I am also planning some more work later this year, so my virgin like bottom  will be getting very sore again soon after a lengthy break from school

In my last post I wrote ‘Kiss My Arse’ so I was very pleased when my boyfriend (who I will call T) took  this as a challenge  and did just that! He wasn’t my boyfriend at the time but made me laugh at myself after another strange experience and believe that I needed to relax more and not be punished unless it is deserved. Until we both find someone better we are sort of stuck with each other. He thinks he must be too good for me, because I’m this famous and experienced ’spanking model’ with a bottom to die for, and I think he has to be too good for me because nobody I meet online could possibly be interested in anything but my bottom. I have never thrown caution to the wind before because the wind usually blows in my face in a predictable direction, but I looked up yesterday and there there wasn’t a cloud in the sky so the rain can stay away until I need to put my umbrella up again :)  I had just about given up on spank driven relationships because most are only held together by that common glue. I have found that many people in the scene seem to be wounded souls who are so far gone, that they are only looking to replace the real loves of their lives with thrills and fantasies than to give someone who begins to care the chance to make it better. A lot of men who proclaim themselves as expert disciplinarians are really only looking for a variety of bottoms to spank and that’s sad, because if it never begins with the person and their mind nothing else works once the thrill of the chase is over. Each to his own though and I never judge.

Yesterday I had my first taste of discipline with him as part of our relationship. The main difference is that it is taken for granted as a given that I will be spanked when I am naughty, or for maintenance,  as neither of us sees it as a game.  I can safely say that it was worth waiting for and that has nothing to do with “how much can you take?” or “did it do it for you?”, but all to do with two people who have the T shirts already and don’t need to prove anything. I am suddenly seeing this whole spanking thing in a different light now, and whilst it will always be a part of me it does not define who I am or a relationship anymore. Having the undertone of discipline and being punished as and when it happens or is due is far better than a regimented regime or role playing situation. If I were to write about this weekend I would end with the glorious spanking and caning I had, wheras before I probably would have started with it. Hmmm, I’m not inclined to share the details with you this time so maybe the penny has dropped at last?!

I think this is an appropriate picture to describe how I feel at the moment. Thanks to my friend Natasha Louise and Mikey at Girl for Spanking for pulling this picture of me out and reminding me of the value of my prized asset again :)!  Thanks also for reminding me that I am still making stupid mistakes because last week I made another one, and now I really don’t care about my behaviour anymore and am just going to do what I want. Trying to do the right thing doesn’t work anymore and I give too much respect too early to people who I don’t know  are deserving of it,  for their unknown ability or otherwise.  Maybe I should have stayed at school, at least I knew where I was and I was improving, at least I was cared for, didn’t waste my time online, and was punished fairly when I made mistakes and with someone I trusted wholeheartedly. Now I have  ruined everything, for nothing, and I regret being an open book and allowing myself to be an exhibit of curiosity and it is not going to happen again.  I can see now why I drew lines in the sand, and why I am so glad to be a spanking model and how much I value my real friends in the scene. If you want to speak to me about spanking work, email me. If not, I’m happily vanilla and I really don’t need any other complications in my private life right now, fuck, fuck , FUKKK, grrrrrr!!.

This week I had a huge wake up call and am now ready to move into a new phase in my life. This is a milestone for me and probably the most serious post I have written on the whole subject about what I do, why and what I need, so prepare to be enlightened, surprised or disappointed, I will never write to entertain you or indulge myself.

Following on from the hot ‘chicken in a basket’ (cold one) episode (lol!), I did go into the store the Friday afterwards to apologise for my behaviour as I was told to do by my Mentor.  As I described what I had done I felt really embarrassed and stupid and this woman looked all seriously at me, imagining I had emptied it out in the freezer compartment! She then accepted I was in a hurry (a partial white lie to make it less awkward to explain) and when I offered to pay for the chicken she said to forget it, and it was OK, because the other cold food was protected next to it they would have found it during stock top up. I walked out of there very relieved but rather disappointed in myself still as I had another impeding visit from Dr Williams planned on Wednesday.

For the next few days I pondered  on the bigger lesson I had learned from all this. It was not just the sore bottom I had from my caning but a bigger realisation that I really needed to sort my life out now. The training I am having a college is helping me a lot as I have so much to cram in, from learning scripts to assignments and research. However, when I let myself down I still need to be punished and I also need to be spanked quite regularly to keep me on track. That is a part of me that I have tried to run away from and know I need to have because I function better and am more grounded that way. Having Dr Williams as my Mentor over the past few years has helped me grow up a lot and he has played a huge part in this part of my development as a person. I am forever grateful to him for showing me new things academically as well as giving me so much more confidence in myself. Some people may think having a Mentor means that I must have  such low esteem to allow someone to beat me when I am bad, but it is the exact opposite of that, it has raised my personal value of myself. Although I have bad days still like anyone else, generally I think I can achieve anything now.

Despite this fantastic support from him, I decided last week to finish our mentoring relationship and to get on trying to make the best of things. The main problem I have and have always had but was able to quell before, is that I find it hard to accept something so meaningful and personal as real discipline from someone if I am not in a relationship with them.  It took a taste of my first real DD relationship over a year ago with someone I really loved to make me know that difference, and ever since then although I have been able to accept discipline at the time, after my Mentors have left I felt so empty and alone.  I know now that I really one day need a loving full on relationship that has discipline as a part of it, but not as the reason for being with someone.

Now at this stage you may think “Oh, isn’t she a spanking model so doesn’t that means she loves to be spanked however it is and whoever it is by?”. The truth is I am pretty different in real life to my spank scene persona and I am sensitive, old fashioned with traditional values and have real feelings. Everything I have ever written about or done in my videos is as real as it gets though.  I love being in videos and photos and my performances are very generously said to be totally real, but when all is said and done they are performances and I am a professional model and an Actress.  I don’t mean I have ever set out to act at all because my subspace as a genuine submissive kicks in, and I live in the moment as real as it would be for me had it really happened. I have parallel life flash backs in some roles and my tears are real, so real that the memories and mental scars often hurt for a while afterwards, much longer than the pain from a thrashing. All you need to know as viewers is that I am totally there in the moment and in that exact time and place, and nothing is ever faked, or else I’d rather never do it again. The difference is that being punished for real in real life  knowing I have let myself down and am hurting too is  something that has to be very personal. I know at last that it has to be with someone who I can share a total life with. Oh I still love play and spanking fun simulation but they are games, I know that now. If  you spank me at a party or something then it will be just that, fun and games, and I love it so much just as you love my gorgeous bottom (she says tongue in cheek hee hee!, and we can have a drink and giggle together afterwards, no more and no less. I no longer want to have spanking sessions with anyone who I am not in a relationship with unless it is on a professional basis and I am unattached at the time.  If I am in a relationship, nobody else spanks me in private apart from that person, unless they don’t care (in which case we won’t last long),  because I am totally loyal and monogamous by nature and it has to be like that for me.  My career as a spanking model for organised public parties and websites is a little different and what I do there is something I would discuss with a partner and be just as happy with whatever decision was reached. I don’t need to play at it anymore, I don’t have the time or interest in it and I deserve far more than that now. Forgive me if it’s not what you want to hear but games can never mean the same or have the same intimacy for me and you will never totally know me through them alone.  I can see the lines now between these two worlds, so when you go back to yours next time, I am able to now go back to mine without regret or a second thought. It’s about compartmentaling things, you taught me that Sir, but I was too young and immature to understand then but thanks for the hard lessons in learning x

And now? Now I am ready for a new chapter in my book.  I am very happy now and have so much to aspire to you would not believe it and the world is truly my oyster. I have no boundaries or expectations and am ready to face and overcome setbacks and disappointments, as I continue to learn and grow, until I can have my fairytale and my cake and can eat it too!

This is a 100% true story, I swear. I will just say that first because it will sound like I did all this on purpose just to be punished but I’m sooo not into that or like that, but just your regular scatty blond. After three years or so of blogging I would hope you know that by now. Here’s what happened:

I have been a very naughty young lady and am so sorry now and genuinely worried that I may get into trouble with the authorities. The other weekend my fellow spanking model friend Carlie came to stay. We shopped, partied at home, went to a spanking party one day and a fetish club the following day, and drank copious amounts of alcohol. This led to our bad girl grand finale on the final day.

For the past few months I have had lots of freedom without any guidance and mentoring. I really believed I had started to grow up a lot and was self disciplined and able to run things just as I liked and it would all be OK. I have since been told by my Mentor Dr Williams, who recently returned to be responsible for my behaviour, that I still have a way to go because I am still very teenage in my attitude a lot and need to be reminded that it will not be tolerated.

It was a quiet public holiday and after couple of bottles of wine, playing loud music and dancing ourselves hyper we  dressed ourselves up in some sexy fetish clothing we had bought from the BDSM club. I wore a ‘Westward Bound’ gorgeous blue rubber top (that you can see in the picture above) with a very short skirt and black strappy heels, and Carlie wore her new sexy corset and jeans. It was three in the afternoon and she suggested going out to the pub to top ourselves up and continue our binge, cos we were having so much fun. God only knows what the neighbours must have thought on what was a quiet bank holiday afternoon.  So, dressed like a couple of call girls we headed down to the shops. All the way there I kept saying I felt stupid going out half naked in the middle of the afternoon in a posh suburb full of families and old people, so to reassure me Carlie stopped everyone we passed on the way. “Excuse me, my friend thinks she looks stupid and I’m trying to tell her she looks gorgeous. What do you think? She does look gorgeous doesn’t she?” she asked. Thankfully everyone agreed with her which made me chill a bit more and actually love being gawked at, it was like old times!.  Carlie said “The men love us, the women hate us”, and we just needed to “own it” and not care what anyone thinks, and I began to agree and soooo do ever since then. My acting teacher also told me to  “own it” (the stage) too and it is giving me confidence now I am doing it.

Anyway, I decided to go to the supermarket to get some food to eat later and after buying a hot cooked chicken, some ice cream and frozen veg I arrived at the checkout. Carlie was already there but unbeknown to me she had decided we were staying out.  She is naturally Domme in our relationship but I only discovered that at the fetish club after she spanked me to try out some new paddles she bought. I don’t usually do much girl-girl stuff even in play, but it started out as a giggle and since then things have just been much better between us because we both know where we stand now.

So, I had this hot wrapped chicken in one hand and frozen stuff in the other. I dithered and deliberated with Carlie about taking the chicken back to the counter but she told me we were leaving now and to just put it back in the open chilled compartment “NOW” , so I did, OMG!!!!. What I didn’t consider at all was that I was in an open Mentoring situation again with Dr Williams and need to confess any naughtiness of attitude problems to him. He can always tell when I’m hiding something or lying just by looking at me so I never try.  On that day though I totally forgot about my rules and our agreement and just wanted to have fun with my lovely friend.

My Punishment

This picture was taken on Monday about 40 minutes after I was given 6 strokes of the cane and spanked on my bare bottom by Dr Williams. When I told him about what happened he was calm and listened to the story unfold.  I had no idea of the consequences but as he mentioned “vandalism”, “anti social behaviour”, “health risk” and “acting like a 14 year old”, I knew it was serious. I have known him ever since I ever got into spanking so he has seen me grow so much and progress as a person.

I started to shiver at the idea of what could have happened. What if someone was sick cos of unsafe food etc, a child maybe? I cried and cried as I talked it through with him, so much so that he sent me to my room until I calmed down and told me not to come back until I was able to talk calmly. I know I have said this many times before and I suspect there are those who still imagine I just do all this as some sort of game but it was deadly serious, totally real and he never plays games either. I agreed that I needed to be punished and it was a caning. I was also told to go back to the store and ask to see the Manager and apologise, which made me cry all over again, but I am going to do this and offer to pay and hope they won’t be too hard on me.

Dr Williams ended up letting me off a lot more lightly that I deserved he said, because I only had a quite mild caning and short spanking but it hurt so much at the time and again I was in floods of tears.  He caned me first, I had corner time with my nose against the wall and my toes touching the skirting board and then I was spanked over his knee. I know that the cane will be used much more often now most times, and that I will also be spanked much more and more soundly whenever he needs to see me because I argued a lot and tried to get out of punishment even after we had agreed to it.  Quite simply, I wrote my own rules  which are just a few sentences these days, but if I break them he just enforces them as my Mentor. It is totally consentual yet as I hadn’t been spanked for a while I tried to get out of it because I knew it would hurt on my semi virginal bottom again. I know now that he is firmly in charge and not to argue anymore, or else there is no point in him helping me anymore. When it was over he told me I had gone back two or three years and was not the maturing student he thought I had become. He gave me a hug and left and I went to bed more with the worry about going to apologise to the store manager than the throbbing bottom I had for a while.  It looks like there is still lots of  ‘Trouble with Emma’ for a while yet whether I like it or not

My first venture into medical science is now available at Northern Spanking. I’ve washed my hair three times this morning and I’m still wondering if I got the little mites?!  The ”The Nit Nurse’ has arrived and it was an absolute thrill to be involved with making it. Under the direction of the brilliant Lucy Mclean and starring the gorgeous and wonderfully talented Donna Davenport as the enraged Headmistress, yours truly plays the typically scatty blonde School Nurse.  I’ve got to get myself down to the Chemist right now lovelies, but here are a  few comments from viewers at Northern Spanking to whet your appetites:

Lucy, very funny, Donna and Emma were very good. Hope that you managed to delouse the studio.

This has got to be the funniest film since Eggs Uncut! Brilliant performances from both Donna and Emma, keep up the good work girls and look forward to seeing more like this in the future.

A great DVD Emma has a lovely spankable bottom - the only problem I could not watch it without keep scratching my head

Every now and then I have to walk past the local school and on the way I pass the Headmaster’s house.  It’s actually labelled ‘Headmaster’s house’ and as I walked past it today it got me having naughty thoughts about what might happen if I say, littered his lawn, saw the door open and stole something, or knocked on the door and ran away! Oh I know  I would probably be arrested and reported to the police and it would not have been dealt with in private, that is confined to fantasy, but nevertheless I visualised this happening as I walked away.  My mind wandered into writing a story, but then I realised I really don’t have the time to do this right now and do it justice, so had to be content with looking back at the house and imagining.

The curtains weren’t drawn and I could see what I imagined to be his study as it had a bookcase and looked quite official, which got me wondering if he kept a cane or not. Of course he wouldn’t be using it on pupils today, but I wondered if he had one anyway for private discipline, but then thoughts of political correctness ruined that when I thought about how people in positions like this are usually so afraid of losing their jobs that they are too scared to have the kind of life we lead privately.

I have been lucky enough personally to have been disciplined by similar real life former Headmaster’s and similar authoritative people with position, and painfully remember their capabilities in dishing out school or college style reality punishments. Their manner of speaking to me as a ‘pupil’ or ’student’ was so natural and tried and tested so I genuinely had nerves and butterflies. I have however met a few who are equally adept in their manner and would make excellent real life Headmaster’s , but generally those who play as ‘Headmaster’ for a session don’t always have the same effect on me,  though of course the setting helps.   It is hard for me to take anyone seriously in jeans or too casual clothes trying to be authoritative with me, but that is just because I always see discipline as being formal, otherwise it is like a game. Games are great and there are times for that too but I think there should be set times for real discipline, apart from short sharp shock spankings of course.

…….But I wonder what goes on in the Headmaster’s house I passed today? I wondered what he looks like and if he would recognise me if we met, and suitably punish me for thinking of having some fun today cos I really was bored and wanted to.  Would I have to report to him in my school uniform and wait in the hall while he wrote in the punishment book? I will go away now and see if I can come up with a good dream tonight

I did a reformatory session today and this really did get to me. I turned up scruffy, no make up, in drab clothes and suitably got into sullen character before stepping into the office. My sessions lately are as much about taking verbal humiliation and getting into my emotional headspace as they are about the physical pain, and being called a “thief”, “useless”  and that I am “no use to anyone” are things that can set me off. I know it is role play and I have the right to walk out, turn it into a fun session or call “cut” for coffee but I never do, or ever want to. Once I give control in a scene it has to be complete but of course is only with well trusted friends or associates and something that has to be worked up to progresively, like in any D/S type relationship. I think accepting verbal humiliation like this must be because I must have a masochistic streak in me to need to be reminded of the times when I really do  felt that bad about myself.  Now I also want to bring on the bad experiences, and am deliberately watching darker movies lately that affect me so that I can draw upon them as an actress as if they had happened to me. In the reformatory scene I was spanked very hard, given 24 strokes of the strap and 24 of the cane but was in tears after the spanking alone and throughout corner time. I was facing a hard white concrete wall during corner time,  and I deliberately rubbed my palms into the grain until my hands hurt and felt a bit raw to try and punish myself even more and seek solace in my own grief.

Afterwards I left and ran into the adjoining room and my friend found me on the floor crying my eyes out and inconsolable for a good five minutes or so, and it took me another ten before I was out of character and back in my own skin. He commented that it is dangerous territory and he gets concerned about me and how near the edge I am getting with all of this, but like any method actress in training I get a whole new experience in that place and it is the only way I can do it. He also said that had there been a camera on the wall it would have been one of the most amazing film performances ever, but I doubt if spanking viewers really want to see reality like that. It seems to me that there is a more of a preference for pretty girls in uniform cheekily playing out a fantasy role, rather than a drab tear stained girl who is horrified, ashamed, scared and totally resigned to her fate. I have done and still do and enjoy fantasy roles where I can hopefully look half decent. Even then I find myself secretly willing my co stars to forget that it is ‘teacher/pupil’ scene set in today’s comfortable times and treat me like it is perhaps in the tough yesteryears where the experience would have been traumatic and shameful for any girl. Right now I feel calmer and glad that I went through this experience because this week has not been a good one for me emotionally and perhaps I felt I needed to punish myself to make it better. I still don’t feel any better or have all of the answers but at least I am back on the ground and can hopefully catch up on my lack of sleep and eating again. As an actress it is in my locker now and I want to build up as many sensory experiences as I can, however painful. I recently joined a charity for deaf/dumb people and they have a 5km run coming up, but wearing a  blindfold! If I can fit the training in and make the day I am seriously temped to do this to help me even more in this department,

Some interesting debates I contributed to in British Spanking this week. One was about whether I’d ever consider being a Domme, but I think I have said many times “I’d rather slam my tush in a desk drawer” lol?! I had a rant here about this and this week once again got a reminder that some people just don’t read the VERY LARGE PRINT!!

http://www.britishspanking.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44177

As for my own behaviour, I really am not monitoring it right now but its not brilliant and I can’t wait to get back to college next week in the hope it will all sort itself out.  I know I am close to my stress and emotional limits and right now I think I could really do with a week in a convalescence home or some serious domestic discipline, but I’m going to try and get myself out of it his time and keep going towards what I want to achieve.

It’s good to be back blogging for a while and I hope that I can post more frequently now. Oh, I know I have said that before but the amazing support I have had this week from people in emails and in online chat saying how much they have missed my writing has encouraged me to try harder. I even popped into a popular chat room for the first time in ages and was highly surprised to be asked “Are you THE Emma Bishop?!”, which seemed gob-smacking unusual since I had never considered myself to be remotely a legend in anyone’s lunchtime before let alone my own! The “web celeb” tag has also cropped up a few times as a flattering thought, so maybe I need to exploit this externally too and get into Paris Hilton-esque mode and ligger around at as many social parties as I can (your invites to attend any social or spanking functions graciously appreciated guys, call me!). One chatter said he was glad I had returned, even though I didn’t realise that a month of not blogging in spank terms meant that I had become a rusted up scrap tyre rim!. He added “you must keep your fans happy and do more spanking shoots” and that my blogs are “always a good read”, so it was fab to know that I am still appreciated at a time when my personal view of myself is a bit lower and more self defeating than usual, but it only lasts a day or two. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I have ever been manic-depressive but do think mood swings are a typical facet of lots of girls in the scene and why we do this and are born into it. My chat with this apparent fan of mine, who was so lovely and fantastic at asking questions that it turned into an interview, went on to go into this area of why we do what we do. He is also a sub and whilst I was initially sceptical and thought of hanging up on him thinking he may have been someone getting off on my words, he never once got into any self indulgence but was genuinely interested in my state of being and I felt comfortable being ‘interviewed’. He asked “Have you ever sussed out where your feelings come from?” to which I replied “from birth” and he said it was the best answer he had had to the question. I went on to say that as I had been bullied at school, perhaps it instilled in an ability to try harder to be better than them, or to please people who took an interest in me. I looked for authoritative characters in my life  to give me that same effect, but wanted to be punished if I let myself or them down, because the bullies would have won. Much as I hate bullies there were times I did what they told me so I didn’t get hurt anymore, but the difference was that I had contempt for them, not respect that one gives to someone who has earned it or knows how to help me improve myself. That is why I hate it when people who don’t understand domestic discipline as part of a lifestyle try to infer that I am accepting bullying or abuse, when I have proved I am better than the bullies, so can choose who or what I  need to help me personally. In fact those people (Mentors and other close disciplinary friends) have actually played a huge part in helping me achieve my goals so far and improved my confidence so I never give up on myself. I could not have done as much had I not been punished when I needed it, and I still have a long way to go so it is a way of and something I need for life really. Without discipline over recent months (my choice to abstain) I feel less confident and self assured, more anxious and irritable and it clearly shows in my behaviour to others and changes in my lifestyle. I tend not to look after myself as much and lose all sense of priority. My only saving grace right now is that I am at college studying so have schedules and timetables I HAVE to meet. This is something I want to do for me, and is no different to having a Mentor help me enforce my own rules for myself. I am getting through this but not  as happily and easily as I might do with firm grounding (not literally being grounded, but yes that has happened  when I’m bad!) and  some help with the manner in which I do things and how I am to people. I am finding it mentally and physically far much harder on myself because I am trying too hard so my friends tell me and as a result am sulky, moody and miserable a lot more. I have no balance or perspective on things so everything is at 200% pace twenty four hours a day and I am so glad of this long Easter weekend and have spend most days in bed and sleeping, but that’s how tired I have become. Some days I was going into work and falling asleep on the journey there, and home in the evenings which is all not good.

I had my first cold caning the other week, well I think it was, although I have times with long gaps between implements over a whole day so it still felt ‘cold’ at the time.  Hard to believe I know, that after 4 years or so of having my bottom spanked and thrashed by some of the best in the scene, no one had ever gone Iceland on me :)! I was a bit hyper and as usual had a bit of an attitude, but it certainly brought me down to earth! I had 12 strokes given hard and fast with a whippy Kooboo cane and the sting was intense at the time and for a while afterwards. However, unlike with a heavier cane I didn’t have marks for more than half a day or so and the objective was a ’short sharp shock’ so this did the trick!  It was semi-play but the effect at the time was the same, it hurrrtt!!! I think I can say although a cold caning may be boring to give as it is over pretty quickly for the Dom, from my side it really did hurt a lot more and would make me think twice about things in a real situation. In a full discipline session though?  Nah, its far effective with the whole build up thing and to leave out an over the knee spanking is like not putting any butter on my toast:)! I think it is up to the skill of the Disciplinarian to know what is appropriate and when, and how, and I haven’t met that many who are experts at all of this but some who are geniuses at bits of it. I guess I’d say its good to have the edited highlights but you can’t beat the whole show brought live to a living room..or bedroom.. (hee,hee) :)!

It was great to be back in front of the camera last weekend. Although I was mainly having headshot pictures taken we managed to fit in some modeling ones and I’m glad to see that my bottom is still as healthy as ever. I mean I don’t exactly get to look at my own butt that often but still work out three times a week and walk 3 miles a day so that has helped I think. On the fewer occasions I have spanked lately though it has hurt more and I did a session in a schoolroom a few weeks ago and had real heavy drip drop tears on the desk as I was caned! I cried my eyes out but that had a lot to do with my head and the role I was in, once again in that dreaded navy blue gymslip. Every stroke thrashed down on my bottom like a hot poker and I felt resentful, alone, misunderstood and uncared for. I was explaining this the other day to someone that whenever I wear this particular outfit I feel transported back into time. It is an Irish convent school gymslip and my mind goes back to the film ‘The Magdeline Sisters’ , but even before that, I know for sure I have worn it in past lives and had similar beatings. The fact I can recall and use my past life experiences at will like this is method acting, but before I knew the name for it and had the training, but I can only do consistently in this scenario right now.  People who have been with me (Doms) at the time have said how real it is, and it is for me, totally. I am continuing to study this as part of my acting development and use it in other roles now but I know how to, so am spending hours and hours improving on it.

Blogsville
6th April 2009

Dear Sir or Madam

Emma Bishop has been absent from ’school’ and from private tutorials because she had lost her mojo, or at least she had felt reluctant to write with as much vitality and do herself justice as she always yearned to.  She has since rediscovered said mojo, and as it is now half term she has taken stock of her life again and is pleased to say she will be returning to write with an extended blog this weekend. She offers thanks to her friends and well wishers for tolerating her moods, tantrums and prima-donna dreams of grandeur of late, but makes no apologies, except to those who feel they need to take positive action. She is grateful that her bottom is back to baby soft novice condition again and that she has been able to concentrate on more testing real life roles on a bigger stage, but is fully aware that spankings hurt (”they’re supposed to!” cry the chorus of Doms from the Ampitheatre) and that she is forever a student of the submissive arts. She will be continuing to progress her dramatic ambitions, but is also aware that her behaviour needs addressing again on a regular basis for those wishing to return her to an era of traditional discipline.

Hmmm, that is my feeble attempt at saying I am still around and hopefully these pictures taken yesterday will go some way in convincing my friends out there that I am still the Nell Gwynne of spanking, I mean acting…but without the oranges, except that I am not with Charlie either, and I’m not quite  358 years old yet, and I don’t have a pearl necklace or similar submissive’s collar around my neck so that you are not embarrassed, as I re-take my place in the spanking models’ court of dreams..but I am glad to be back guyz!! Loves ya xx

That’s another record over! I finally succumbed to a spanking the other day after my longest period of self imposed abstainence of over two months!. It wasn’t just because of how busy I have been but the conditions. I have to feel right about a situation, and became sick of playing for the sake of playing a couple of years ago when things moved on for me into being spanked for real. In my scene work I have occasionally asked for it to be real with people I know well and the other day a good friend obliged. We had gone out for dinner and when he dropped me back home I was moody, sullen and restless. For people who are experienced in the scene I guess they can see the signs, a bratty sulky girl who needs to be disciplined and it takes an authoritative type to pick up on that, whilst I could see for his part he was aware not to take liberties. Whever I am like this its like a craving, but not from a sexual point of view but from it feeling like I am being starved of an essential drug that has to be injected into me to stop me being so on edge or I will snap and cry which I have been doing lately for no real reason. It’s really hard though because unless I am in the type of relationship where my partner/’dom’ (for want of a better word) naturally lives the role and it becomes a natural part of my lifestyle so I am spanked regularly for real reasons and when I am a complete pain in the ass like this,  it often turns into a  “do you fancy being spanked?” type of ’session’. If I am not in the mood then the idea of it conjured up ‘BDSM’ play and I know for sure that it is soooo not my thing at all and never does it for me. I can giggle and enjoy that part of having a laugh, like with some electro play recently, but I never take it seriously when for me it feels too staged and artificial. In role plays though if I have knowingly behaved pretty badly I can use that in my head and apply that into a scene (known as ‘emotional recall’), so that when I am being punished I can imagine it is by someone who is actually in my life in that real situation (like a teacher, boyfriend, manager etc). The problem comes when they do it too well and it takes me a long time to get over it/them when its over, but that’s another story and a problem lots of submissive women have in general I think. Part of my personal problem is that I know exactly what I want and need in my life in terms of regular domestic discipline etc, but can I ever ask for it? No, because I feel embarrassed to if all of the other conditions of being with someone are not also right.  Having the choice of acting and role play at least meets some of these needs, although it is rare that I let myself get too into it, or if I do to admit I actually felt too much because that is unfair all round and can get messy. I have had meaningful relationships where DD has been there at the beginning but because we have met so infrequently by the time my misdemeanours are dealt with it feels as artificial as a play session, so I probably appear not in the mood, he thinks I’m not a ’serious player’ or contender as a lifestyle partner and it fizzles out and I lose all of the best parts of any relationship too. Spanking is only ever part of a relationship, and a very essential and important one for me, but I know I can only have that when the other person totally believes in it, and in me, has the experience and strength to take control and spank me when I deserve it, or for regular maintenance, and we get on well together anyway despite sharing the spanking kink. I am old fashioned and feel pretty much the same about sex. I am not into anything casual and get sick of people popping up online and wanting me to share my intimate desires with them, because this feels cheap and tacky and I will only ever tell someone I am close to or becoming close to. It sort of comes with the territory though I guess some people see this ’spanking model’ and often associate me with a whore of sorts so when  they hook onto whatever bait they may think I’m feeding I can’t complain at the response. So, without sounding like I actually believe I am some sort of celeb (although one kind Sir insisted that I am a ‘web celeb’) I have to say that you can look, but don’t touch unless you know me and that includes how I like to be approached online. I still like to believe in real old fashioned gentlemen, chivalry and mutual respect. In a proper relationship though, I love sex and can vamp, seduce, get down and dirty with the best of them and also have spanking as erotic fun too, but that’s very private and reserved only for those who deserve me, want me enough, and I deserve too. I never kiss and tell either. Outside of all of this its nice to have so many good friends.

Oh Lordy, its been a while since I walked through spanksville and tonight I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. When i’m tired I start talking in overdrive and rambling off track in conversations, pretty much like a child who is fighting against going to bed in case she misses some excitement! Sometimes a good spanking and being sent to bed helps, other times it is a hug and a few tears without the sore bottom to wake up with in the morning. My spanking activity has been pretty limited lately and there have been times I have thought it was because I had maybe changed or gone off of it, only to realise it never goes away. I can go weeks without it but lately that is because i’m so into my acting course at college that it replaces a lot of the ‘high’ I get from being spanked . It hasn’t replaced the emotional release yet but I hope to get into method acting even more later this year and can draw on my experiences of this as a spanking model. I didn’t realise or know I had been method acting for a couple of years without knowing the name for it, until recently portraying a character and being able to get in the zone quite naturally and recall how it felt. I am finding acting has parallels with BDSM because we have walked around a room with our eyes clothes to improve our senses and used verbal humiliation techniques on each other and against an imaginary shell around us. Having that sense of being trapped or enclosed and negotiating my fears is actually bringing me out of myself a lot more so I hope this will all help me become more confident all round. I still have difficulty accepting praise if I do well and am surprised when it comes because I tend to push myself too hard just to stand still, but that is what a Dom or Mentor is for so its good that I can self manage myself towards my  goals and be more self disciplined without one on my course! I mean, it would be hard to explain my turning up in front of my classmates with a collar on or having to hand my rules to the teacher with a note from ‘Sir’ lol! This time it is about me but I know that everything I am doing better now is because of the help I have had from my Mentors to help me stand on my own two feet more and be responsible for my own development. The best part of all this for me is that it feels like I am back on the same roller coaster I was on when I became a spanking model three years or so ago. I don’t have a plan as such but a force bigger than me is pushing me into this and it feels like destiny and that it is time for me to step up my game and work harder than I ever have before. I have no dreams of grandeur or a vision of if I will just end up as another out of work acting statistic, but all I do know is that I love every millisecond of learning about all this, performing in front of people, or even alone in front of the mirror.

I have often been asked as a spanking model by friends how much of what I do is for the money (very little compared with the time and cost invested), or for the fame, and how much do I really enjoy for myself. If I do get a lot out of it then why not just play for free and have fun without being so public?  In the spirit of ‘unsecretness’  I will say that many sessions and roles I have loved were because of the people and the dynamics we shared. The ‘professional’ nature of it never enters my mind, because I see that as more as a safety consideration so that neither of us get too personal, particularly if other lives may be affected as a result. Doing this on a professional basis makes it easier for me to walk away emotionally, and I feel happier to be seen as just another girl in a role or on a spank movie set or shoot  rather than someone who I meant anything too. I guess its that I find it easier not being wanted, which is a bit of a contradiction seeing as we all crave acclaim and attention as models. Being valued from afar is easier to deal with but being valued directly means I have to consider how much of myself I want to share, very often in situations that have no future and will only end in tears. I do admit to having had feelings for some people I have worked with but in my mind is a voice saying “please don’t like me too much” so that when nothing comes of it I don’t have to ever say what I really felt and noone gets hurt. The more I become a friend the harder it can get to be a professional or colleague when I need to be and my vulnerability creep in, so I can well understand the attitude of some working girls who never get sociable with clients at all and have the meter running. I am not or never have been a busy working girl as such, but as I do appear on film and in photos I have an image and similar status to maintain. It’s not about aloofness because I’d like to think I am very sociable in the scene at all levels and will all types of people, but just that having boundaries avoids  embarrassment on both sides. Also, I have worked dammed hard to get where I am as a model in this scene and given all I can to the online world so my personal space is reserved for a special few.

So, Do I play privately outside of being a spanking model? Answer: No, not in a full ’session’ sense unless it is with a partner of my own. Other than that it is only just for fun and I will have a smile on my face and it will be totally on the surface, maybe at a party or something. However, mentoring is different, that is a personal choice that is not ‘play’ but real punishment for real reasons. The boundaries are very clear on both sides so it is not a professional arrangement. It can be personal in terms of the relationship but not in terms of intimacy.

PS: These new pictures show me in the zone somewhere between pain, happiness and regret. No one was hurt during the making of this experiment!

PPS: Oh and you can see more of my debut at Northern Spanking recently. Further updates to follow

It’s not very often a prospective cult classic is produced in the scene, so I was very pleased to get advance notice the other day of this epic two and a half hour feature production from Northern Spanking .

Starring the gorgeous Amy Hunter, Amelia Jane Rutherford, Niki Fynn, Leia Ann Woods and the respected but fearsome Mr Stephen Lewis, it is a gathering of minds, wills and personalities in a unique setting.  For anyone who has followed the individual talents of this quality cast, it goes without saying that if you put them together there will be fireworks!

I can’t wait to see it and add it to my select collection and will update you again as the Premiere draws close…yummy!!!!

I squirmed my way back home last night with a sore bottom on a  very uncomfortable train seat.  My challenge with Peter Jones (AKA London Spank Daddy) took place yesterday afternoon and i’m sure he won’t mind me saying that it probably ended up in a draw (he drew lines on my bottom and i drew gasps of breath!).

We met at the train station and headed for a quick coffee. Once again my scattiness added to my impending punishment when he said that as I had assured him I would remember where the venue was he didn’t write it down, so he didn’t write down the contact number! “Erm did I really say that, I can’t remember? Because last time I was driving and didn’t pay attention”. Thankfully I have web access on my mobile phone so was able to find the venue’s site and we made it there just in time.

As this was a meeting of two spankos from completely different sides we decided to do it the traditional way. This meant I was to be back in school uniform and to report to Mr Jones’s new residency study which he will now be using to deal with the many other naughty girls in line for the LSD experience. For me this was slightly unique, because as I was just intrigued about the whole book/image/persona/marketing of this mystery man. Well you know me, I am curious and adventurous and will do most things to improve as a spanking model, and person, even if it sometimes gets heated!. This was a challenge I just so had to have, if only to put my roving reporter/ inquisitive bottom on the line for the good of the spanking industry, maybe?. Now that I was actually going through with it, it dawned upon me that he could actually be all he had told me he was, I could have to apologise to him face to face, and he could actually be capable of making me a very sorry and sore young lady. I hadn’t slept last night at all and was totally unlike the confident pouting girl you have come to know. My mind began to wander and I ended up sleeping on my tummy and feeling anxious about whether I needed to get used to this position again or not.

I went upstairs and got changed and was told to knock and wait outside his study when I was ready. As I dressed I was breathing unusually heavier than usual but still wondering how this charming mild mannered man could turn into a demon headmaster. “Maybe he is a beginner after all and I’ve been had?”  I imagined, and “Oh, it will be OK Emma, he is just a writer who has never spanked a girl before, and you have stupidly given him your pretty experienced bottom for target practice!” Ignoring my inner monologue I did as I was instructed, came down stairs and knocked on the door. He came out and said he was busy and I had to wait with my hands on my head facing the wall until he was ready. A few minutes later he told me to come in.

I was now face to face with him and he got right down to the business of telling me why I was there, what would be the outcome and that if I didn’t follow instructions it would be even more painful for me. My hands were soon back on my head and I faced the wall as he raised my skirt to check I had regulation navy blue knickers on….but OMG, in my haste (genuine) I had left them upstairs and opted for white cotton ones! I was ordered back upstairs and given two minutes to change and get back down to wait outside the study again, which I did.

After that I went in and was soon bent over the desk and given a few (very mild) slaps across my skirt with a ruler. “Oooh this is nothing” I was thinking, “He is an amateur after all?”.

At this point I am not going to spoil the London Spank Daddy experience for any girls out there who may want to take the trip, but the pictures should speak for themselves. All I will tell you is what I received:

a) A spanking over his knee on my skirt and then my knickers
b) Six strokes of a flexible slipper, again across my knickers
c) 24 strokes of the cane (12 with a medium kooboo i think, and 12 with a heavier senior cane). The last six of these were given rapidly and hard as I was sprawled full length across the desk kneeling on the arms of a chair.

Did it hurt? Yes, but as I never hold up Dancing on Ice cards (lol), I will just say that he knows what he is doing and is excellent at role play. Emotionally he got me there, and I felt I coped really well with the caning and as a spanking model I don’t think I let myself down. I have had a lot worse before, but today was about the whole experience so its not all about “how hard do you want it” etc, that is for players and this was not playing at it. Was it real? Yes, although it was done in role play I was totally immersed in the situation I had brought upon myself so I felt truly awkward, humiliated and sorry afterwards and it took me a few minutes to stop crying and come back down. And London Spank Daddy? A lovely man who is rational, speaks calmly but firmly so you know where you stand, considers your wellbeing but will give you what you want, so think seriously about what you ask for because it may just come back and bite you on the bum!
So, its a big thank you to Mr Peter Jones for today and I wish him well in his future plans!

PS: You can read more  about London Spank Daddy by joining his social network True Confessions of a London Spank Daddy

In the blue corner a distinguished disciplinarian of young ladies, Mr Peter Jones AKA ‘ London Spank Daddy’.

In the Red (maybe much redder afterwards) corner, Miss Emma Bishop, yours very truly.

This close encounter of the (supposedly) painful kind will take place over at least 24 rounds (i mean strokes) of the cane in his study tomorrow. It is going to be as real as it gets and another challenge (have you ever known me to shirk one guys?!)

Why am I doing this? Well as I have been so busy with my Acting course I haven’t had time to do much else for a while and it sort of feels like I am starting again, which makes me more typical of the type of girls Mr Jones says he usually meets. I am not sure if my experiences as a spanking model will mean much or if I have reserves to cope with it, which promises to be more along the severe Lupus lines than a regular session that may occur. I am keeping a video diary so will record my thoughts later tonight and tomorrow on the way, and afterwards too. His reputation goes before him and he is already not happy with me over the way I handled all this and have managed my plans in London this week.

I’m off out now with thoughts and anticipation running through my head but will blog again later to keep you updated.

You can read Mr Jones’s version of events in True Confessions of a London Spank Daddy

I have been having a  few problems with my PC lately, and whilst looking through a list of old files I could delete to make it run smoother I took a step back and was surprised to see just how much I have done in the spanking scene over the past few years. Reading through some of the correspondence too and from disciplinarians, or potential ones that never materialised, I was surprised to see how much I have changed (or maybe not) as a person. I attended an adult girls boarding school in February 2003, which is where it really began for me in terms of deciding to get more involved and becoming a spanking model. We had spent three days in deepest Wales at a large house that was perfectly suited for the event. It had a common room, good rooms with desks that suited schoolwork, a large staircase with landings where we would stand outside the Headmaster or Senior Mistress’s study with our hands on our heads and skirts raised, and a fair sized garden area where we had PE. I remember the drill every day and homework we had to do before lights out too. It was the most realistic thing ever and although the corporal punishment was equally memorable it was not the reason why I went there, because for me it was the whole thing about being back in school and having that experience to replace and put to rest some of my bad memories from my real schooldays, which it did.  On the last evening the other girls in the dorm set me up by telling me we we having a midnight feast. We had got lots of chocolate and cakes from the shop and decided to meet up after lights out. I had my back to the door and was giggling and stuffing my face when it burst open and in walked Miss Stern!  The next day we all had to report to her and were strapped and caned, but I got extra for supposedly being the ringleader.

That was my baptism, and I’m still here, still in uniform and a bit older, but just about as unwise as ever. The other day I was talking to my boyfriend and he mentioned going to Antarctica. I said that I knew it was freezing cold there, so answered “Is that in the North Pole” (thinking the North Pole was a country). He explained “No, the North Pole IS, the North Pole”. I then got confused and said “OK, I know where the South Pole is, because its at the bottom near Africa? So…it must be hot down there?!” With that he gave up and I had a geography lesson last night!